Thoughts-Better Said with a Song

My heart's not ready for the rocking chair
I need somebody who really cares
So tired of living solitaire
Someday I'm gonna be 
Safe In The Arms Of Love

Strip your heart and it starts to snow
Love is a high-wire act I know
Someday I'll find a net below

Someday I'm gonna be
Safe In The Arms Of Love
Safe In The Arms Of Love

I want arms that know how to rock me
Safe In The Arms Of Love
I wanna fall and know that love as caught me
Safe In The Arms Of Love
Safe In The Arms Of Love

I want a heart to be forever mine
Want eyes to see me satisfied
Gonna hang my heartaches out to dry
Someday I'm gonna be safe in the arms of love
Safe In The Arms Of Love

Prayer

Prayer is a wonderful blessing that we enjoy in these times of stress and uncertainty to feel sure of divine guidance, to have absolute faith in a personal God who is interested in us and who hears and answers our prayers.


Prayer is a power. It has an influence that comparatively few people seem to understand. …How many are there in this Church who do not know that they have the right, the absolute right, to pray to their Father in heaven, and ask Him to take from them their distress and lead them to contentment and happiness?

The power of prayer is something that cannot be measured. 


-Prophet George Albert Smith 

We are fragile, we are human

"We are shaped by the light we let through us"

I am in complete awe of my life. I am in complete awe of my loving Father in Heaven.  I went through something very difficult recently and in the midst of everything I was overwhelmed with shame, with regrets, with bitterness, with sadness, with loss, with physical and emotional pain, and with so many more emotions.  I am not trying to be dramatic-this is just the raw truth.  And yet in all the chaos of the moment, an internal peace centered within my core.  I didn't reach out to others the way I have before-I didn't look for people to console me or to 'take my side'.  Instead, I told a minimal amount of people and fell to my knees.

There is a real beauty in relying on the Lord-its breathtaking.  How perfect God is in every aspect is what drives my faith even more.  While my outer world seemed shaken, my inner peace took over and I knew I could do what was required of me. This doesn't mean that I have done it completely-this isn't something that occurs over night.  But I know I can do this and God does too.  I am a currant bush right now-and I am being pruned down to the very core.  But its okay-because God knows what He is doing. He is the master of this garden.

And as I sit back in awe, I realize that I'm happy.  What an amazing concept-to be happy in the midst of one of the most difficult hills in life.  But I think that is part of the lesson-why I am being asked to carve out these pieces, so that I can really focus on joy and not strife.

I read a book recently-my Bishop recommended it to me-and there is a line that I absolutely love: 'Faith is being willing to try, again and again and again'. Its not about getting it completely right, its simply about trying to get it right-and I may never get it right, but I am sure going to keep on trying.

We are fragile. We are human. And WE are shaped by the light we let through us. 

There is no safer place...

Then right where the Lord would have you stand. 

I'm grateful for the Temple. I'm so very grateful for my Bishop. I'm grateful for the support and prayers of loved ones (especially when I can't even speak to them at this point). 

Most importantly, I am grateful for an all powerful, all knowing, and loving Heavenly Father. I am not perfect-not even close; but He is and He knows me perfectly. 

This is what I've learned through this current phase of my life. 

Numb

Life keeps throwing some ridiculously hard curve balls. I'm clinging-but barely. Whats worse is after the last two days-I'm not really sure whether I am on the right path. I feel like I've trapped myself in this false sense of reality-that nothing is really happening the way I am living it. Its like a nightmare that you get stuck in, over and over again every night.

I was so ready to work towards the positive. Not ready to give up. But today, I'm not so sure where I stand. So for now, I'm just going to take a minute to breathe-to figure out what square I really am on and just how far I have to go at this point. And then I need a plan of attack.

But for today, I can't even decide how I feel. It changes every second. So for now, I'm just going to concentrate on breathing.

I can still be found taking the long way around

Whew. What a few weeks it has been. My life is sooooo good and yet I have felt so weary and tired and just emotionally undone. I am going to get a little honest and a little personal now-so just bear with me and please don't judge.

I loved conference. LOVED conference. Before conference, I made a small list of questions/instructions that I wanted answered during conference. So when Henry B. Eyring started his talk with a similar experience-which then led him to one of the greatest trials of his life, I knew I was in trouble! The answers/directions I received are definitely not 'the greatest trial of my life' but there was a lot of very personal (and quite painful) chastisements from my loving Heavenly Father. Of course this was done in the setting of great love and kindness. And it pierced my core with a desire to just be better-to be good. It also called me to let something go-to give up a desire and be okay with whatever is in store for me. And while, I fully recognize that the Lord is only trying to make me more then I can become on my own-the call to action and then acting, has not been easy (not that He ever said it would be).

My last post referenced my desire for 'courage'. Yesterday at church someone said, 'It only takes a few seconds of extreme courage to do great things'. I loved this-because I feel like its applicable in most areas of life. But sometimes, you don't need a few seconds of courage. Sometimes, you need a constant source of courage (like an IV) to help you to let go of the pieces of you that are keeping you from becoming the best version of yourself. I'd like to call that kind of courage FAITH.

So many people around me are struggling. And their struggles are very real and very personal. Most of them are enduring it as best as they can. And those that are pushing through are some of the most courageous (faithful) people I know. And all of them are being asked by the Lord to do something, something hard. The Lord requires us to do hard things so that he can make us into great things. I know this and so I'm holding tight and pushing on.

Life is good. I'm struggling, but I'm happy. I'm going to get over this hill/mountain. I'm going to give this piece of myself away-no matter how long it takes or how long I have to wrestle with myself. I'm going to do it alongside all the many people in my life who are walking the same (or similar) road. And I'm going to come out better on the other side (we all will).

“You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley

Silently we pray, for courage to accept thy will

We sang 'As Now We Take the Sacrament' yesterday in church and this line just hit me hard. I've been struggling with the Lord's timing recently and understanding His ultimate plan for me. My life is so ridiculously good and I am not trying to sound ungrateful-I'm just being honest. My faith is rock solid and I know there is a reason behind all this, but that doesn't cause my emotions to stop reeling and it doesn't help me sleep at night (although, I know it should).

As I sang this line, I sang it with all the force of my heart that I could muster. I know there is a plan and a reason behind all this. I just need a little more courage to accept that it all. So here is dedicating my week to courage and reaching within to pull it out.