I haven't updated in forever because life has been jam-crazy packed! Heather came and stayed with me for a week and a half. We had such a blast-I'll post pictures soon. She came in late Wednesday night and we got dinner with Steph and Sarah. Then we went back to my house and Orin came over. Darn young kids-they stayed up til 3 and kept picking on me cause I was dozing by 1am! Then we just spent time shopping and hanging out with different people over the week. We had an amazing experience on the last Thursday of her trip.

We went to the DC temple to do baptisms and it was absolutely breathtaking. The spirit was so strong and moving. All the temple workers were so excited to have us there and they shared such fascinating stories. When we were done we walked around the temple to enjoy its beauty. Both of us had experiences that we talked about on the car ride home and both of us got really emotional.

Then Friday we drove down to North Carolina for Heather's dad's wedding. The drive was very long and by the end of it we were both a little loopy. Saturday was the wedding and it was a very simple but beautiful ceremony. Heather and I both got choked up by her dad (and he made me cry even harder later because he shared with me that I will always be his adopted daughter and kissed my cheek).

I left North Carolina early Sunday morning to try and get back in time for church...I made it-but got pulled over right outside of Richmond and had a nasty cop give me a nasty ticket...Now I get to go to court and fight it because he definitely wrote me a ticket for way over what I was actually going.

The rest of the week has been spent packing and working. Trying to get ready for our move tomorrow! The whole thing is really bitter sweet. I feel like I am saying goodbye to an old portion of myself and walking towards the new person I am hoping to become. Its really hard and I don't know if anyone realizes the impact that moving out is having on me. I know it is for the best-but Sushi is still my friend. And I love her. I don't want our relationship to change-but these past few months have changed both of us. I know me leaving is hurting her and I've hurt her a lot over these past few months. I never wanted that for our friendship, but I also had to make a decision that still makes me sick to my stomach. It didn't change how I look at her as a person or as a friend. But it did change the way I look at myself and the steps I take to care for my friends. And I have to step back now and re-evaluate if those steps are healthy for me.

I was asked to speak in my new ward today. I promised a friend I would post my talk since she missed it...so any ways...here it is:


I want to start today by telling you about my Grandma. Her hair was golden and her eyes crystal blue; she had a smile that could light up any room and probably made a few guys weak in the knees. Upon a closer examination of this woman, anyone could see that her knees showed permanent scuff marks and her hands, although still beautiful, were rough and calloused. Her face up close was wrinkled from many days of laughter and also from a few moments of sorrow. However, it was not her appearance that made her so beautiful. Her heart-one probably made of solid gold-was the thing that made her gorgeous. She was a person that constantly loved. She held hands when support was needed; she pushed when it was time to grow; She acted as a lighthouse to many people, she guided those around her through the storms of life and stood as a beacon of love through the light of Christ. It was this light that made her beautiful. It is the light of a mother, the light of a grandmother, the light that Heavenly Father can bestow in each of us.

In a conference talk by President Thomas S. Monson he stated, “God could not be everywhere-and so he gave us mothers.” Each of us in this room has probably had some impact from a mother or grandmother and can relate to this quote. We all know in part the work that mothers perform and the love they can provide. And even though, we ourselves may not yet be mothers (or Fathers) we too can develop the qualities and traits of a mother-to help our Father in Heaven to carry out his work as President Monson has said. By obtaining these characteristics, we can become better home teachers, better visiting teachers, better friends, and ultimately better servants to our Father in Heaven. But how can we, as young single adults, develop mother-like attributes that will enable us to be mother-like and inevitably Christ like?

In my pondering of this question, I thought it best to gain insight from our leaders who set such wonderful examples for us. In Elder Holland’s talk, “Because She is a Mother”, he states that a mother strives to love God and live the Gospel, she pleads for comfort and guidance, she promises to be faithful, she shows compassion and forgiveness to others, she is meek and lowly of heart, she is determined, and she is often challenged and fatigued. From Elder Holland’s list and through further study, I narrowed my thoughts down to a few key traits that can help us cultivate the strength of a mother within our own hearts.

First is the principle of prayer. Nephi tells us in 2 Nephi 32: 9 that we MUST pray always. Prayer is not something that we should take lightly; prayer is our direct communication with our Father in Heaven. If we close that communication line, we deny ourselves his counsel and insight into our activities. When we stop praying, we also deny ourselves of a relationship with God. In my own personal life, prayer has been my saving grace. My personal and private prayers have taught me of God’s love and helped me to develop a deep a meaningful relationship with him. Without prayer, there is no possibility of such a relationship. Gandhi once said, “Prayer is not always about asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness.” When we pray, we are closer to the Spirit and we are able to listen to its promptings more intently.

The promptings of the spirit can help us to develop the second trait, Charity. In her book, If Life were Easy, it wouldn’t be Hard, Sherri Dew states: “Charity is not an emotion or an action. It is not something we feel or do. Charity is who the Savior is. It is his most defining and dominant attribute.” The essence of charity can be summed up in the lyrics of the song, “Because I have been given much”:

Because I have been given much, I too must give. I shall divide my gifts from thee, with every brother that I see. I cannot see another’s lack and I not share my loaf of bread, my roof’s safe shelter over head, that he too may be comforted. I’ll show love to those in need, I’ll show that love by word and deed

Charity is intertwined with love; in order to love, you must have charity and in order to have charity you must have love. Nephi declares that charity is a commandment: “the Lord God hath given a commandment that all men should have charity, which charity is love. And except they have charity they were nothing.” (2^nd Nephi 26:30) Charity and love embody the nurturing traits of a mother. Mother’s are called to nurture and love, Elder Holland states that the call to nurture is not limited to a mother’s own flesh and blood-this is why a mother can take in others, can serve as a relief society president or a visiting teacher. We too can wield this power if we learn how to be charitable and loving. Remember, Charity NEVER faileth.

The last trait I want to focus on today is patience. Patience is defined as the state of endurance under difficult circumstances. This can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain. Elder Neal A. Maxwell counseled that patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. In D&C 67: 13 we are told to continue in patience until we are perfected. Seems slightly daunting to me! I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach perfection-however, the more our faith in God grows, the more patient we can become. Like Elder Maxwell said, patience is tied to our faith…it is much easier to maintain patience when we have faith that our Heavenly Father will carry us through the storms. Patience for yourselves is most important. You are not expected to be the best; mothers are not expected to have perfect homes and perfect children. Elder Holland states: If you try to be the best you can be you have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do. So be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. You do not have to be perfect when it comes to developing motherly traits. You are going to make mistakes, Mother’s make mistakes and we aren’t there yet so we can’t expect to be better then they are!

The beauty that a mother possesses has probably touched each of you here today-I know that the mother’s in my life have changed my life forever. We too can have that impact in our own settings. We can develop motherly traits and use those traits to uplift and improve others. I believe Sister Hinckley said it best when she said:

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

We are not required to be perfect-we are expected to live. We should be like the mothers and grandmothers in our lives, those with scuff marks and rough hands; whose faces are defined by laugh lines. We should love constantly, hold hands when support is needed, and provide encouragement. We should be a lighthouse-shining Christ’s light through our countenance to guide other’s home. May we all strive to pray earnestly, to open the lines of communication with our Father in Heaven; may we develop the Christ-like attributes of love and charity and remember to give because we have been given much; and finally may we all be patient with ourselves, allowing room for mistakes and challenges. I know our Father in Heaven lives. I know that he doesn’t expect perfection-instead he expects us to strive earnestly to be our best ‘selves’. I am grateful for this gospel-for the joy that it brings into my life and for the person it is molding me into. I am grateful for challenges and the knowledge and growth they bring. I am grateful for mothers, for grandmothers, and for the love that God has blessed them with. I pray that each of us can harness the attributes of a mother, that we can strive to be Christ-like and serve others, and that we can perfect ourselves through patience. If we can strive to do all these things, then we have done the best we can do, all that God expects us to do.

I'm watching the new Michael J. Fox special on ABC. The man is purely amazing and if you've never read his book you should...its inspiring. This man maintains a positive attitude despite the fate that he has been dealt. He suffers from Parkinson's and the current drug regimen does not provide a cure, only a temporary relief from the shakes and staggering. But yet, Michael continues to push himself. He continues holding onto his faith to take risks. He does not let fear rule him. He pushes through his inadequacies. He remembers to be grateful and considers himself a lucky man.

If only each of us could have this type of optimism in times of trial. If only we could face our adversities with faith and courage. If we could hold our heads high and remember to be grateful that our Father in Heaven is molding us into his own likeness. That He trusts us enough to bare this load for but a small moment-and if we bear it well he will exalt us on high.

I write these thoughts mainly for myself. As a reminder. Because I get swept away in the day to day routines and forget my worth. I forget that I am a daughter of God and that is worth its weight in gold. I forget to be grateful that I am in school, that I have wonderful people surrounding me, that I am healthy, that my family is safe. I forget...but only for a moment. And then I snap out of it and I remember that I am so very blessed. And it is in those moments that my heart is truly full.

Like Michael J. Fox, I hope that I can keep my gaze upward. That I can maintain an optimist's perspective. Because having the gospel in my life is truly happiness, it is true joy.

“I can get sad, I can get frustrated, I can get scared, but I never get depressed - because there's joy in my life.” -Michael J. Fox

That nagging voice in my head just won't quit this week. I'm crawling out of my skin. I want to be home with my roommate. I want to be with the people that know me...that understand me.

Maybe I am just exhausted from rotations-its probably the exact reason.

But what I do know, is that I am tired of this nagging voice in my head that tells me I will never be worth it. And I am tired of it being confirmed over and over again.

Agh. I must to bed before I cry myself silly. Friday will come soon enough, then I'll be home with my Sarah. Then Heather comes next Wednesday. Girlfriends seem like the best remedy to my hurting heart.

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
-James 1:2-3