Challenges

I've been up and down, riding a roller coaster of emotions for the past month. I've always been a pretty emotional person-I think this is what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve. The interesting thing is that I actually hate being emotional-I hate crying and if I cry I get extremely frustrated which only makes me more emotional. But this is not fair to myself and after President Uchtdorf's talk, I have realized that I need to be kinder to myself and let myself feel the emotions because they are essential for my growth and they make me the person that I know I want to be-because lets be honest, I don't want to have no emotion. I'd rather feel EVERYTHING-this way I get to feel those 'lows' and in return feel those 'highs'.

So I am challenging myself to be who I am and to let myself feel these emotions and learn from them. I'm also taking Jessica's challenge to change up my blog posting.

Charles Sanford said, 'Secrets are made to be found out with time.'

I guess now is the time for 10 of my secrets (just 10! Its all you get so don't be greedy)

#10:

I know that I cannot sing, but when I am all alone, I will sing songs over and over again at the top of my lungs-actually believing that I sound amazing.

#9:

I tell people that I don't think I am pretty cause mostly I don't-but I love my eyes and my nose. My eyes give everything away, they show every ounce of my love for people. And my nose is perfect for my face (plus it can hold a spoon and swing it back and forth and that's pretty awesome)

#8:

Sometimes, when people are interested in a subject that I know nothing about I will go and research the topic just so that I can talk to them and not feel dumb.

#7:

I fall quickly for people-even quicker then my closest friends know. And that scares me because I worry I'm more in love with the idea of falling in love then with the actual person.

#6:

My mom calls me Yammy and I tell everyone I hate it-but I actually really love that my mom has a pet name for me. I love it even more then the way she says 'San Francisco'

#5:

I love the way some boys smell. Clean or dirty. And when I was younger, I used to spray my pillow with cologne so that I would dream about cute boys.

#4:

I'm totally boy crazy (see comment above) and I have hoped my entire life that I would grow out of it-but I don't think I ever will.

#3:

I really do hate the number 3, but I don't hate all odd numbers like I tell everyone. I prefer even numbers, but there really isn't anything wrong with 5 or 7 or 11. Its just those darn multiples of 3 and the 'why' is a secret I won't share!

#2:

I secretly wish I could write as well as my best friend. The stories she comes up with fascinate me and I wish that I could be that creative. I actually tried writing a story while I was in high school and I'm sure if I read it today, I would laugh at how ridiculous it was.

#1:

When I was younger, I wanted to be the first female president of the United States. But the older I get, I realize I'm really not as 'Type A' as I thought-so there is no way I'd ever be able to get the job done!

Scriptures

Recently, I decided to follow the charge of Elder Bednar to get a new copy of the Book of Mormon and seek out Christ. Because of this challenge I have not used my personal set of scriptures since July. Last night, however, I pulled them out to use them for my institute class. When I opened them I was overwhelmed by my love for the scriptures.

My personal scriptures are wrecked. They have pages ripped out of them, they are stained in places, and they have different colored markings and writings all throughout them. But they are mine and I have used them since I was 15 to 'seek out the truth' and to 'come unto Christ'.

I am very grateful for the scriptures we have on the earth today-for the lessons they teach and for their ability to bring us into the fold of God. My heart really does rejoice in scripture.

And I Just Want My Heart to Fall Apart

Life has been so wonderful-really-but there are things missing. Holes that can't just be filled by anyone and conversations that just aren't occurring. I miss my best friend, in fact I ache for her. I miss talking for hours upon hours about everything with such clarity and perspective.

I've loved my new institute class-its like the top of my head is opened and revelation just flows in. I've felt so blessed by my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Its never been better-I wish that I could put it into words, but its impossible. I've never understood Christ better and I've never wanted to improve my life more.

My Uncle Mike surprised me this weekend and stayed for a few days. I'm so grateful for him and his love for me. It was a quick trip, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

I'm going to my first college football game Saturday and I cannot wait! I also cannot decide who to root for!