As always this theme has been months in the making. I have sat pondering the growth that occurred from 'making the choice to become' and figuring out where I need to go from there. My theme this year is a little confusing, because there are so many parts to it. (Like I said, this was a long time in the making and there were many talks/experiences that influenced it.)
So without any more delay, here is the quote that inspired the majority of my theme this year:
"Meekness, however, is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control."
-Neal A. Maxwell
What I want to do is break apart this quote and really explain the role it will have over the next year. (Brace yourself, this will probably be a very long post!)
1st: The presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness
I remember sitting in the chapel listening to President Uchdorft's "Forget-me-not" talk. I heard him state, "Just think of it: you are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the king of infinite space and everlasting time! He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name--you are the daughters of His kingdom." It was at that moment that personal revelation overwhelmed me and my heart filled with the warmth you feel when sitting in the sunlight. I spent the last year coming to know that King! I sought Him out and found that just as the scriptures say, He was there with open arms, waiting to enfold me in His embrace.In that moment, I felt a moment of joy that can only be described as 'going home'.
I found this beautiful component of kindness and gentleness to be something I need more for myself-because after all, I am a daughter of a King. How very important it is for me to treat myself with love and respect.
And then carry that love, respect, kindness, and gentleness to all those around me. How very important it is that each of us knows that God knows us and numbers us among the stars. This is an additional thing I think of when I read presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. Everyone has struggles, everyone has their own demons and challenges; EVERYONE needs a little more kindness and gentleness. And for some reason, Heavenly Father has given me a gift of being able to love-to see a person as an individual. And now, I want to really work on loving as he does. I want to see the worth of souls and help them to feel God's love for them. I want to serve from the bottom of my heart and give myself completely to following Christ's teachings.
2nd: reflecting certitude, strength, serenity
The dictionary defines certitude as 'absolute certainty or conviction that something is the case; something that someone firmly believes is true'. Make no mistake about my conviction about this Gospel. My testimony burns so brightly that it overwhelms my soul sometimes. I think about how grateful I am for all the many challenges that have caused this testimony to burn. In reflecting over the past year, I think of all the many tender mercies that came as I have made the choice to seek out Christ-to involve Him in my life's choices. And from that conviction comes an inner strength that is indescribable. I have accomplished so very much in my short life. And I know that there is no possible way I could have done any of it without the tender mercies of God.
I want to continue this pattern, of involving my Father in Heaven in my life, with consistency-to really reflect certitude and strength. And then with this, find that inner peace-the serenity-that comes with really knowing God and understanding the plan that he has for me as an individual and all of us as a collective group.
I was talking with my new roommate the other night and we were discussing how God is ALWAYS there in the details. That we have free will-we get to make a choice-but that the second we choose the better part, God takes over. He gives us the choice, but he helps to control the outcome in our lives as much as we allow Him. There is serenity in this concept that I want to find-a great strength in knowing God on that level. I want to dedicate this year to knowing my Savior on this level.
3rd: a healthy self-esteem and self-control
And now the area I struggle with so much. I know with a surety that my Savior loves me, that I am a daughter of God. But yet somehow, I forget that I am precious. I forget my value and I let the world around me tear me down. I find that when these attacks come, my self-control slips little by little. I don't want this for my life any more! I want to learn meekness so that I can have better self-control.
There is a wonderful talk from Sister Holland, 'Becoming Woman of Greater Faith', in this talk Sister Holland states: 'Have the courage to be imperfect on the road to perfection." Self-control is like a muscle-it requires constant use to build up its strength. And when we lack self control, Satan has complete control over our path in life. Elder Holland has reminded me, "The only real control in this life, is self-control." This is my goal for this year. To love myself a little more, to remember that I am not forgotten, and to consistently 'flex' my self-control.
In President Uchtdorf's conference talk, he stated: "God loves the meek and the humble". I don't fully understand meekness, but I hope by the end of this year I will know it a little more and that I will be able to reach down within myself to develop this trait. That through my goals and direction I will be able to consistently align my life with Christ's teachings and dedicate myself to serenity.
And now time for the GOALS
1. Read the New Testament-Learn more of Christ's ministry and how to apply those teachings to my own life
2. Seek out opportunities to serve (and serve in the right way, without expecting blessings, but instead for the betterment of others)
3. Consistently make the choice (my theme last year can't just be forgotten! Instead I have to consistently do it!)
4. Pay off some of my debt (starting with the small things and working to the big ones!)
5. Get published! (with my first manuscript)
6. Run a half-marathon (gotta do it this year...I ain't no spring chicken)
7. Make a trip to VA (Hopefully in the Fall with Grace! And to see my all my favorites, including my BEST friend. Cause I miss her like crazy-and maybe convince her to finally come to Texas *hint,hint*)
8. Be Healthier (Exercising, simplifying my diet, and loving myself every day)
9. Read 25 books
10. Go to the Temple 2x a month
11. Less media, more time choosing the 'better part'
12. Meet Heather's baby (my new little munchkin to spoil! I think I'm going to call him/her a giraffe!)
There's a lot there-but I can do this. I can master myself and make these steps. I am so excited for this year-27 will be a year to beat!
