The Brow wrote out her goals on her blog and inspired me to make a list of my own (I think this is the same way this happened last year...I'm telling you, we are gonna be friends for life!)

So I've been thinking a lot (I know...that's nothing new) about who I am and where I want to go and I've surprised myself with how different I actually am. Thanks to my Heavenly Father for chipping away at the pieces I didn't like about myself, thanks to my closest girlfriends (and Jesse) who chip away or build up areas, and thanks to myself for accepting the change and having a better attitude about rolling with the situations.

All in all, I'd say 2009 was a tumultuous year for me. Some highlights:

*One of my roommates had to be hospitalized, which showed me that I know how to handle a crisis and when the going gets tough, I stand and fight for the people I love

*I moved into a new house (only to be kicked out again due to a wedding proposal!)

*I had a summer full of small improvements to my faith

*I took out my endowments (a feeling I never want to forget)

*I made my own halloween costume! (I'm not crafty so this was exciting for me)

*I aced my finals

*I stuck to my goal of attending the temple once a month

*I made mistakes, but I can admit them and know how to improve them

*I accepted hurt from a close friend and instead of pushing away, I dug my heels in and forced myself to take the 'grown' up route

Now to some these may seem insignificant, maybe even to most. But to me, these were the defining moments of my year. These were the areas that I needed to fit myself a little more into the mold of Amber.

2010 is going to be another wonderful year...my fingers are tingling as I think about the changes my life is going to take. I am almost finished with school...Three more semesters and I will officially graduate with a Pharm D. I will be moving to Charlottesville in the spring and for the first time I will have an apartment by myself. (A fact that both terrifies me and excites me) I will be applying for Residencies and have the opportunity to go to another state. I guess you could state the ever cliche quote: The world is at my fingertips and I just need to grab it.

So for the goal part of this post:

1. Take time for the Spiritual Things. This involves reading scriptures, ensigns, and talks daily. It involves going to the temple once a month-more if possible. It involves paying attention all three hours of church and taking as much as I can on Sunday's to fill my spiritual cup for the week. This is always a goal...it's the most important goal, because without it I am not happy and without it life is a constant struggle.

2. Let things go. Life is meant to be happy and enjoyed, its difficult to do this if I hold onto the little things that are insignificant. People can only be who they are, not who I expect them to be-so I have to let it go.

3. Participate in more crafts. I enjoy doing things: scrapbooking, knitting, embroidery, quilting. Now I just need to do some things! My goal is to start grandma's scrapbook (just start...because its going to be an emotional one) and to complete at least 3 other crafts.

4. Be Prepared. No more lollygagging in my tasks. No more procrastination. (At least attempt it anyways!)

5. Budget. This is critical considering I am going to be living on my own and that it is almost time to start paying back student loans EEEEEEEK!

6. Be healthy. I hate the goal of losing weight...I always feel like a failure. So instead I just want to continue being healthy. That means exercising 2-4x a week, staying away from lots of processed foods, and not eating gobs of food (except for on girls night...cause that is what girls night is all about!)

7. Put myself out there. Now I don't mean this to be taken wrong. I just like my comfort zones and that keeps me from trying new things. I did better this year-I asked some guys out, I tried new activities, and I enjoyed them. So I guess that means I need to do the same again! There needs to be time to date and time to do things (so I guess I better keep on goal number 4!)

8. Love. For anyone who knows me, this is always a goal in life. I honestly believe love is the healing balm of everything. So it makes the list again.

Those are the big ones. There of course will always be small ones throughout the year...but for now: Happy New Year and good luck to all your goals!

Tonight is my last night with my Papabear, for this trip anyways. And my heart is so full. I can't believe how loved I am-its nights like these that I use to create my image of our Heavenly Father's love, Nights where I sit with my Papa and we converse about the hard stuff.

My Heavenly Father loves me-there is no doubt in my mind about that. If he didn't I wouldn't have such wonderful people in my life to show me what love is all about. Tonight as we had dinner my Grandfather told me how proud he was of me and more importantly how proud my Grandmother was of me.

This trip was hard. I don't know what it was about this Christmas, but I missed her more then last (that is not saying I didn't miss her last Christmas, because last Christmas was awful-but for some reason I missed her even more) I missed her presence, I missed her smile, I missed her.

Tonight, my Papa asked why and admitted that he lost his Faith when my Grandma died. I didn't know what to say-how could I tell him her death made my faith stronger? Especially since her death has made us so much closer. We talk now, openly; we share and we are involved. I like being with my Papa; I love being with him. But I still wish she were here. I want my cake and I want to eat it too.

Its amazing how blessed we are as humans. Especially since we are humans.

I fail over and over again. I fall short constantly. I give in to the natural man way to often.

But despite my failings, despite my short comings-Heavenly Father still blesses me-with friends, with family, with tender mercies. The gospel is true, the atonement and the plan of salvation are our only way to eternal happiness.

I hope each of us can reflect on the beauty of the gospel this Christmas season and remember that the true gift of Christmas is eternal life and the blessings of family, friends, and love.

I know Thanksgiving is usually a season of Thanks...but I am so blessed and so grateful right now for the beauty in my life that I have to share my thoughts.

This Christmas season I am grateful for:

*Family-the up's, the down's, the all arounds. Without Family, I wouldn't be the person I am today and my life would be void of a lot of love

*California-there is something about this state that centers me, that reminds me of who I am and where I want to go

*Snow-seriously it's not Christmas without the white, fluffy stuff

*Mint Tea-it warms my body and my mind

*Sticky-wet kisses from Langdon and Devin (I hate not having them everyday); also hugs and love from my princesses (Ava Marie, Lizzy, and Mia)

*Jellybeans...even if they make me sick cause I eat to many

*My mom...seriously...she really is funny and she loves me more then anyone I know

*Stephanie Brooks-she is my level when I need to come back down from a rant and see the full perspective

*Jessica "The Brow" Donbrosky-I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend, she really means a lot to me

*Heather Anne-my soul-friend. nobody knows me better and loves me more

*Jesse Swift...we'll leave it with the dots

*Sassy-my personal heating blanket and my comfort during the night

*The gospel-nothing drives me and blesses me more then my faith and my commitment to my covenants

*Service (Seriously...the world needs to get on the bandwagon)

*Great books and a warm blanket (or a pink snuggie-take your pick)

*Chantal-my sister and the only person to ever 'bite my bum'

*Answers to prayers...specific and personal answers to prayers

*Papabear's memories (and his comfort level with me to share these beautiful memories of the person I miss most in this world...)

*My Aunts (they are all special in their own way-AND NOT IN THE SHORT BUS WAY!)

*All of you and SOO much more

Guess who got A's on all her finals!! And managed to get A's in every class but one?! Oh that's right!

ME!!!

I'm done!

Vegas tomorrow morning

Idaho on Tuesday

California next Sunday!

HELLO CHRISTMAS VACATION!

Shh...I am not really here...Finals start tomorrow EEEK!

I just really needed to share this (or to remind myself that this is my goal in life)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.