Getting Back to Basics

I am a horrible journal keeper. Like, the worst. I have all these entries I tell myself I am going to write in my personal journal and then I never have time to write them down. Truth be told, I find I don't have enough time for the things that should matter more in my life and I spend way to much time not doing enough good.

For the past few weeks my heart has been pulling at some thoughts on what I needed to do-but I couldn't figure them out (which we all should know by now led me to frustrations-thats my key word.) Luckily for me, I find that the Lord loves me so perfectly he knows how to let me work it out on my own. There was a quote in the Gospel Essentials manual that just resonated in my heart at church yesterday:

“When a man has the manifestation from the Holy Ghost, it leaves an indelible impression on his soul, one that is not easily erased. It is Spirit speaking to spirit, and it comes with convincing force. A manifestation of an angel, or even of the Son of God himself, would impress the eye and mind, and eventually become dimmed, but the impressions of the Holy Ghost sink deeper into the soul and are more difficult to erase” -Joseph F. Smith

I just love this-because I know it to be true. Its like the concept of 'writing truth on your heart' or having it in the 'marrow of your bones'. My testimony has become this over the years-It is so much a part of who I am that daily I find all I want to do is be so much better. But unfortunately, I'm human and I have  a lot of inadequacies and flaws-the worst being my stubborn streak of independence. This has served me well in life-it pushed me away from home, through school, and to where I am now. However, I need so much to learn to bridle these stubborn acts of control and let others (most importantly God) have the opportunity to help me become better.

Its this desire that has been working up in my soul-because I am so busy that I don't make time to be led. My schedule is always packed-I 'go-go-go'. And that removes the opportunity for spontaneity, for increased study/reflection, and for service. Conference was so good for my soul-I felt like there were certain things that were said just for me (love it when the spirit does that). The thing is, I know that my personality and who I am will always be a little busy-but I'd rather be busy with the Lord's errand than my own.

So I decided to step back and re-evaluate where I am and where I can go. And as I did, my action plan started developing in my brain. I was inspired in part by Benjamin Franklin and George Albert Smith and in part by my friends Jessica and Andrea. I created a standard that I wanted for my life-words that I would want to be associated with me. Its like my own personal mission statement for my life. It was a great opportunity to really look inside myself and see what matters most to me. And since writing it out-everytime I hear one of the words, I just get this excitement running through me-I get to keep working on that and improving.

Somedays are better then others. Today was not as good. But luckily there is always an opportunity to keep doing better. And I love that I get those opportunities. (that we all get those opportunities)

Daisy Award

**Note, I am only doing this because I love my best friend and I don't want to let her down. (AHEM, even though she was supposed to make me something by the end of the year and never did...oh...unless you count all the honeybun cakes she made me...)

So this is the daisy award-which I received from Jessica. Apparently I am supposed to 7 strange/unknown/unusual things about myself. And then I pass it along to 3 other people. So here goes...


1. I secretly wish my life was a musical. There are days where I have my headphones in and I imagine that instead of walking, I'm actually dancing around with a group and singing about my mood.

2. I have an obsession with quotes. Especially ones related to the gospel. I can't get enough of them. Which is why I will always want hard copies of my favorite books-so that I can mark them up with my handwriting and underlining of the best quotes!

3. I'm deathly allergic to oranges. Its totally unusual and strange. Some of my closest friends have tried to kill me (after they already knew that I was allergic...ahem Jessica Donbrosky, Liz Brown, etc.)

4. I have a love/hate relationship with running. In my mind I love running-but then when I do it, I usually hate it. Unless I'm really stressed or emotional, then my body seems to break free and I LOVE running-fast, hard, until I want to puke. Then I don't want to run again for a very long time.

5. I am the only girl in my family-thus I am my mother's only daughter. I am also my grandmother's only grand-daughter and my great-grandmother's first great-granddaughter. On my Father's side, I am also my grandmother's only grand-daughter and my great-grandmother's first great-grandaughter.  Pretty neat to be the only girl on both sides.

6. My 'best-day' ever (thus far in life) was the day I took out my endowments in the temple. My second 'best-day' ever was the day I took my Grandma June's name through the temple. (As a side note, my 'adult-best-friend' Jessica was present for both of these days)

7. I have an obsession with YouTube videos, eyeshadow, and music. I'm working on self control-but I can't help myself sometimes. 'I like this one and this one and this one, NOT THIS ONE!'


So there you have it. They are random. Awkward. And very Amber.

Tags:

1. Alisha : She once picked up hitchhikers and drove them to Indianapolis-where she then stayed at their home and ate dinner with their Mom.

2. Brett : He loves toy-story (LOVES Toy Story) and has the most impressive dance moves I've ever seen-the boy can move his hips.

3. Lexi : The b-ball queen who once decided that she would get a little too 'physical' while blocking me. I loved her instantly.

Answered Prayers

My heart is so full as I sit down this morning to write this post-my tears of gratitude have not stopped much in the last 14+ hours. I don't even know how to express the depths of my gratitude-but I will surely try.

President Uchtdorf once said, 'Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount-THAT is the measure of God's love for you.' That measure of God's love is what I have felt over and over again in my life. Its hard to admit, but there are moments where I feel I least deserve that love. Moments, where instead of turning to my Father and lying my hurts and frustrations at his feet, I instead turn away-partly out of feelings of inadequacy and partly because of fear. And in those moments, I find that the Lord wraps his arms around me and just reminds me of just how very much he loves me.

In the last 24 hours, I have felt those loving arms in full force. And the miracles that I have prayed for-for so very long-are starting to occur. I know God answers prayers. Its never on our time table-but His. I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I can't even get myself to type out a sentence. I know my Father lives. I know my Father loves me. And I know that he answers our prayers-every single one of them. I am so grateful for this.