The Me I'm Meant to Be

You feel like you’re falling backwards

Like you’re slippin’ through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can’t see it now

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there’s a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won’t be much longer
You’ll find love, you’ll find peace
And the you you’re meant to be
I know right now that’s not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You’re just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you’re down to your last breath
And you don’t know it yet

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you’re made of, you’re made of

I woke up this morning with the desire to be close to God. My roommate informed me that she was going for a 4 hour drive, so that she could talk with God. And I decided I needed to do something to be close to Him, to listen, to Be Still.

I love my relationship with my Father in Heaven. People may never understand it, but it doesn't matter. I know He knows me. I know he loves me. I know that he is constantly leading me where I need to go. I know that the Plan of Salvation is real and that I can apply the Atonement to return to God someday. I want to be more bold in declaring my knowledge, with sharing my joy, so for now I will declare it on my blog (its a work in progress people!).

Anyways, I spent my day conversing with God. I spent my day being still and I felt peace about a lot of things. I'm letting go of more then just the heartache of a failed love, I'm letting go of people that don't better me, I'm letting go of insecurities, and I'm letting go of control. And through all that letting go, I am gaining so much more.

Heavenly Father is real. He is tangible and he is waiting for all of us to turn to him. I wish the world could see that.

My mom, in an attempt to help, spoke with him. What she fails to realize is that this did not help, it only made matters worse. Especially when whatever she said compelled him to contact me. I recognize her efforts and I appreciate the fact that I have a mom who wants to protect me. That being said, I am an adult now and with that comes certain battles (heartache especially) that you have to fight alone.

He is engaged and I am truly happy for him. He finally found someone that he wants to be with and commit to forever. That is the best thing in the world to find. (I say this with an honest heart)

And I am so proud of my family for trying to comfort me. For making sure that I know they love me and support me in this situation (and all situations). But now I need them to butt out. So that I can let go. So I can stop being reminded from them.

I want to chop my hair off (AGAIN!). Because to me that symbolizes letting go and changing. (SOMEONE PLEASE KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE SCISSORS)

In other wonderful news, I am moving next weekend! I'm really trying to hold back on my excitement-but I am excited. Jessica is going to be an amazing roommate. (yes we will have differences, but I know we are close enough that we can work anything out).

AND THE FINAL EXCITING NEWS: Rotations start in 78 days!

Birthday Wish List

I'm not excited about my birthday this year. Not really sure I even want to celebrate it. But that doesn't mean that I don't want gifts! So here is the list! :)

*RECIPE BOOKS GALORE! I want baking ones, I want main course ones, I want ALL OF THEM!!

*6oz custard cups

*Stick blender

*Money!! (Dude...I'm going to be driving lots to get to my rotations-Gas money is absolutely amazing)

*Barnes and Nobel gift cards (cause who doesn't love to read)

*New DownEast Outfitters Basics (the t's-all colors)

*Some cute boy to bring me flowers (hey a girl can dream right)

*Visits with a Papabear or any family member (Mom, Grandma, brothers, Heather, etc.)

*Play dates with my princesses! Lots of them!

I am so grateful for my family. For the love that they have for me. For the battles they fight beside me and for the comfort they bring.

I'm grateful for tender mercies from the Lord. Reminding me that some of the most important members of my family are still there for me, rooting me on from the other side of the veil.

I'm so grateful for best friends and "it" girls-who let me cry and make a mess; who remind me to fake it till I make it.

It's time to get motivated. It's time to get moving. It's time to do.

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”