We are fragile, we are human

"We are shaped by the light we let through us"

I am in complete awe of my life. I am in complete awe of my loving Father in Heaven.  I went through something very difficult recently and in the midst of everything I was overwhelmed with shame, with regrets, with bitterness, with sadness, with loss, with physical and emotional pain, and with so many more emotions.  I am not trying to be dramatic-this is just the raw truth.  And yet in all the chaos of the moment, an internal peace centered within my core.  I didn't reach out to others the way I have before-I didn't look for people to console me or to 'take my side'.  Instead, I told a minimal amount of people and fell to my knees.

There is a real beauty in relying on the Lord-its breathtaking.  How perfect God is in every aspect is what drives my faith even more.  While my outer world seemed shaken, my inner peace took over and I knew I could do what was required of me. This doesn't mean that I have done it completely-this isn't something that occurs over night.  But I know I can do this and God does too.  I am a currant bush right now-and I am being pruned down to the very core.  But its okay-because God knows what He is doing. He is the master of this garden.

And as I sit back in awe, I realize that I'm happy.  What an amazing concept-to be happy in the midst of one of the most difficult hills in life.  But I think that is part of the lesson-why I am being asked to carve out these pieces, so that I can really focus on joy and not strife.

I read a book recently-my Bishop recommended it to me-and there is a line that I absolutely love: 'Faith is being willing to try, again and again and again'. Its not about getting it completely right, its simply about trying to get it right-and I may never get it right, but I am sure going to keep on trying.

We are fragile. We are human. And WE are shaped by the light we let through us.