I can still be found taking the long way around

Whew. What a few weeks it has been. My life is sooooo good and yet I have felt so weary and tired and just emotionally undone. I am going to get a little honest and a little personal now-so just bear with me and please don't judge.

I loved conference. LOVED conference. Before conference, I made a small list of questions/instructions that I wanted answered during conference. So when Henry B. Eyring started his talk with a similar experience-which then led him to one of the greatest trials of his life, I knew I was in trouble! The answers/directions I received are definitely not 'the greatest trial of my life' but there was a lot of very personal (and quite painful) chastisements from my loving Heavenly Father. Of course this was done in the setting of great love and kindness. And it pierced my core with a desire to just be better-to be good. It also called me to let something go-to give up a desire and be okay with whatever is in store for me. And while, I fully recognize that the Lord is only trying to make me more then I can become on my own-the call to action and then acting, has not been easy (not that He ever said it would be).

My last post referenced my desire for 'courage'. Yesterday at church someone said, 'It only takes a few seconds of extreme courage to do great things'. I loved this-because I feel like its applicable in most areas of life. But sometimes, you don't need a few seconds of courage. Sometimes, you need a constant source of courage (like an IV) to help you to let go of the pieces of you that are keeping you from becoming the best version of yourself. I'd like to call that kind of courage FAITH.

So many people around me are struggling. And their struggles are very real and very personal. Most of them are enduring it as best as they can. And those that are pushing through are some of the most courageous (faithful) people I know. And all of them are being asked by the Lord to do something, something hard. The Lord requires us to do hard things so that he can make us into great things. I know this and so I'm holding tight and pushing on.

Life is good. I'm struggling, but I'm happy. I'm going to get over this hill/mountain. I'm going to give this piece of myself away-no matter how long it takes or how long I have to wrestle with myself. I'm going to do it alongside all the many people in my life who are walking the same (or similar) road. And I'm going to come out better on the other side (we all will).

“You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley