Excited doesn't even sum it up....

This BEAUTIFUL girl will be here Saturday morning at 10am:

She said it would never happen...but it is...and I am sooo excited! 5 days with my best friend Jessica couldn't be better.

Change and Apostolic Blessings

I have two posts for tonight-cause I really wanted to share my basketball battle wounds (ok-so really they are clumsy wounds...but they are AWESOME!) But I also wanted to share some thoughts I've had the last few days about change-specifically changing ourselves (myself) to truly become as Heavenly Father would have me to be.

Sunday night there was a CES fireside with President Uchtdorf. I struggled through his message (which has NEVER happened before) until the very end. I was picking up great ideas here and there, but I really couldn't connect the ideas with his overall message. At the end of the fireside, the choir sang the hymn 'I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go'. As they were singing, I opened the lyrics to the hymn and read them-only I read them backwards. I went from verse 3 to 1. And my heart was pricked and my spirit touched to the point that I began to cry.

So trusting my all to thy tender care,

And knowing thou lovest me,

I'll do thy will with a heart sincere:

I'll be what you want me to be.

O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,

Tho dark and rugged the way,

My voice shall echo the message sweet:

I'll say what you want me to say.

But if, by a still, small voice he calls

To paths that I do not know,

I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:

I'll go where you want me to go.

I was overwhelmed first with the knowledge that I know I want nothing more then to be what God would have me to be. Then I felt so much that I want to be better at being softer and that starts with my words. And finally, I felt like this is exactly where I am in life-I don't know where I am going, but I know that I will go where He wants me to go. 

As I've gone throughout the beginning of this week, I have held these thoughts at the front of my mind and pondered on them often. Especially with how much I want to be what the Lord wants me to be. I've thought about all the ways I need to change-and while I recognize I can't change them all at once, I know that I need to focus on them enough to know when to start. Its interesting that if we aren't careful that focus can overwhelm us and cause us to freeze-but I haven't felt that this week. Instead, I've been very introspective and searched deep within myself trying to figure out the latest puzzle piece. 

Then today at institute (both this afternoon and this evening), we discussed the role that doctrine has on our behaviors and attitudes. I've felt that I really need to understand doctrine better then anything over the last year. Then tonight I was prompted to take a class that would focus on the doctrine, not fully understanding why until we were deep into the lesson discussing the doctrine of prophets. In this discussion 'apostolic witness' and 'apostolic blessings' were brought up. I remembered an 'apostolic blessing' that was pronounced upon me (and everyone in attendance) specifically at a fireside with Elder David A. Bednar. (I tried to find my journal to write out some of those things (or just remind myself) but I can't find it!) What I remember is that he told us the questions we had would not be questions anymore-and I know that is to be true. 

I also thought of another 'apostolic blessing' that was given just recently by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: 

I leave along with my testimony, an apostolic blessing on each of you this night. I bless you, by the power of the priesthood and the commission that I have received, to know that God loves you, that He needs you in this last and greatest dispensation when everything is accelerated and more and more is expected. I bless you, with apostolic authority, that your prayers offered in righteousness will be answered, that your personal fears will be lifted, that your backs and your shoulders and your hearts will be strong for the burdens that are placed upon them. I bless you as you strive to be pure in heart, offering yourselves as instruments in the hands of God for establishing Zion in these latter days everywhere you stand. I bless you to be true friends to each other and to those not of your circle to whom we should reach out. Above that, I bless you to be friends of the Savior of the world, to know Him personally, and to have confidence in His company.

Things I love (okay so all of it really-but things that have been especially true for me as of late):

• I know (with every fiber of my being) that God loves me
• I am beginning to understand more then ever that He needs me (me specifically) to step up to my duties and magnify my callings and to be a better example
• I know that my prayers offered in righteousness are answered (and will be answered-I just need to trust on the timing a little better)
• I know that my personal fears will be lifted (because they have been-over and over and over again these past few weeks)

I so very much want to 'be what the Lord would have me to be'. I want to trust in Him and to do His will. But that requires a change (multiple changes) and I know that those changes require true understanding of doctrine (the answer to the why questions). But I am so very grateful that as I (we all) seek to know those truths (those absolute truths), that God blesses us with prophets to provide witness and blessings to help us along our way. I truly know that 'no one is destined to fail' and that when we put in the work, no matter how hard it may be, we will succeed. 

Basketball...

Can we just talk for a minute about how much I love basketball? Like LOVE basketball. Lets start at the beginning.

I'm not athletic-Never have been. I always joke that my brothers got all the physical talents and I took all the brains (which is totally not true-cause not only are they more athletic then me-well most of them-they are also a whole heck of a lot smarter...they just don't work hard at applying it :P)

I remember vaguely playing t-ball and loving it. But my earliest memories of athleticism are from dance class. Where I had two left feet and was double the size of the other children (and I don't mean in weight). I was tall, gangly, and awkward.

In middle school I had a good friend who wanted to try out for the basketball team-so I went with her. The coach told me not to come back the next day...I was that bad. So then I tried out for cheerleading the next year. Made the team. (everyone did...) And acted as a cheerleader for most of the year. But it wasn't that athletic and I still felt like the chubby kid who didn't fit in with the rest.

In high school, I did academic work. I considered trying out for the dance team (FAIL), softball (practiced with the team a lot), and swim team (waterlogged). I just wasn't athletic.

In college, I started rock climbing. That was my first athletic activity that I loved (and still do). But really, rock climbing is about me and the wall. It doesn't really involve anyone else. And like most things, I love the challenge-but that challenge was only with myself. And I wanted to be able to be a part of a team and do something truly athletic-but that was a pipe dream (or so I thought).

But something amazing happened during pharmacy school-my best friend The Brow invited me to come play church ball. I went and knowing I wasn't good or athletic. I went cause she was my friend and I wanted to spend more time around her. While playing, I realized I loved it. And it only got better. We played games and I had fun. It wasn't about whether I made the basket or if I got a rebound. But it was running and just feeling the adrenalin. But then people started teaching me things. I learned how to post up, I learned how to rebound better, I learned how to box out, and I was having fun while doing it. Sure I had games where I would have to remove myself and sit on the bench cause I got to competitive or aggressive-but for the most part I loved the game.

And then I hurt my ankle. Ripped all the tendons. Got high off vicodin-awkward. Walked in a boot for a month. And then played again as soon as I could! We started playing with the boys (we were the only two girls that they really allowed-how Jessica convinced them to let me play, I'll never know!) and my game got better.

My game is still not great. I'll never be this amazing ball player. I'll never even be decent. But I love the sport. I love running, I love boxing out, I love playing in my sweet spot and making shots. I'm really quite ridiculous and I leave with quite a few 'ouchies'. (see pictures below) But I love it. It gives me something to throw my brain into and work out my thoughts. It helps me feel like a part of a team. And I still have girls trying to teach me to play better.

My friends (and especially my mom) say that I should quit-but I can't and I wont. Cause basketball for me is finally my athletic outlet. And even though I'm injured a lot, I barely make my shots, and I will never be a superstar-I love basketball.

Basketball injuries (in the last two weeks...)

Believe.

I thought I would share the words that have been running through my head for weeks now. Every time I even think about getting discouraged, this pops into my head-because I know 'it will be alright in the end'. I 'believe' in good things to come. And I completely 'Trust God.'

Good Things To Come

"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come til heaven. But to those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God. And Believe, in good things to come." 

Quick thoughts

I was supposed to write in my journal yesterday-but it was another busy day. Sometimes I think my Sundays are my most busy days-but have no fear! I will definitely make time to write in my journal tomorrow!

As for my goals, I've already purchased my financial planning book and a copy of Les Mis! So I will soon be onto those goals. I'm also reading my first church book-which is pretty fabulous (Weakness is Not Sin). And although it may be TMI, my 'sits' bones are totally killing me today from the spin class I did this morning-OUCH!

But what is more amazing to me, is the fact that my brain is constantly thinking about certain goals. Like every free thought. I'm hoping this lasts throughout the year. I feel so good about my theme and I have had so many confirmations that this year is definitely going to be a great journey.

Being soft...now that one is a work in progress. But change doesn't just happen over night!

Unveiling the New Theme

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

-Ernest Hemingway

My thoughts this year will be much shorter then last year-because my theme is much more simple (don't worry, my goals are not). I have loved every step of my journey up to this point...but over the last few weeks, I've been distracted by fear and focusing to much on the end destinations. It is these experiences, and one heck of a dream series, that is leading me to make this my theme this year. 

My journey has been perfect up to this point because it has been everything that I have needed. And I need to trust in the Lord's plan and continue to be willing to change in whatever ways He requires. My goals this year are centered on two talks, one by President Monson and one by Elder Gerard Causse. 

President Monson's talk focuses on the abundant life: 'I challenge Latter-day Saints everywhere to undertake a personal, diligent, significant quest for what I call the abundant life—a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness, and blessings. Just as we learned the ABCs in school, I offer my own ABCs to help us all gain the abundant life.' The ABC's he provides are: 

1. Have a positive Attitude: So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment. We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude.
2. Believe in Yourself: Be honest with yourself, with others, and with your Heavenly Father. Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.
3. Face Challenges with Courage: Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. “Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’

Elder Causse's talk is about finding happiness in our lives: My dear brothers and sisters, my message for you today is that there is a different path than ones of fear and doubt or self-indulgence—a path that brings peace, confidence, and serenity in life. You can’t control all of the circumstances of your life. Things both good and challenging will happen to you that you never expected. However, I declare that you have control of your own happiness. You are the architects of it. Your happiness is not really the result of the circumstances of your life. It is much more the result of your spiritual vision and the principles upon which you base your life. These principles will bring you happiness regardless of the unexpected challenges and surprises you will inevitably face during your journeys here on earth. The principles he focuses on are:

1. Recognize Your Personal Worth: My brothers and sisters, imagine what it would mean to you if you could see yourself as God sees you. What if you looked at yourself with the same benevolence, love, and confidence that God does? Imagine the impact it would have on your life to understand your eternal potential as God understands it. If you could view yourself through His eyes, what influence would that have on your life? I testify He is there. Seek Him! Search and study. Pray and ask. I promise you that God will send you tangible signs of His existence and His love for you. It might be through an answer to a prayer; it might be the soft influence of the Holy Ghost consoling or comforting you; it might be a sudden inspiration or a new strength that you know didn’t come from you; it might be a family member, friend, or priesthood leader who happens to be in the right place at the right time to bless your life. In one way or another, as you reach out to Him, He will let you know He is there.
2. Become Who You Are: Brigham Young said: “The greatest lesson you can learn is to know yourselves. … You have to come here to learn this. … No being can thoroughly know himself, without understanding more or less of the things of God; neither can any being learn and understand the things of God without knowing himself: he must know himself, or he never can know God.” Become who you really are. Your happiness and ability to find balance in your life will occur as you find, recognize, and accept your true identity as a child of our Heavenly Father and then live in accordance with this knowledge.
3. Trust in God's Promises: I love these motivating words of President Thomas S. Monson: “The future is as bright as your faith.” Our success and happiness in life depend in great part on the faith and trust we have that the Lord will lead and guide us to fulfill our destiny...The greatest thing we can desire in life is to align our will to the will of the Lord—to accept His agenda for our lives. He knows everything from the beginning, has a perspective that we don’t have, and loves us with an infinite love...after you have done all in your power, if things don’t turn out the way you hoped or expected, be ready to accept the will of your Heavenly Father. We know that He will not inflict upon us anything that is not ultimately for our good. Listen for that calming voice that murmurs in our ears, “All flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God” (D&C 101:16).
4. Your Future is as Bright as Your Faith: I testify, with President Monson, that your “future is as bright as your faith.” Your happiness depends a lot more on the principles that you choose to follow than the external circumstances of your life. Be faithful to these principles. God knows you and loves you. If you live in harmony with His eternal plan and if you have faith in His promises, then your future will shine! You have dreams and goals? That’s good! Work with all your heart to accomplish them. Then let the Lord do the rest. He will lead you where you cannot lead yourself; He will make you into what you cannot make of yourself. At all times, accept His will. Be ready to go where He asks you to go and to do what He asks you to do. Become the men and women He is nurturing you to become.

I know I said I wasn't going to make a long post (but its me-I always get caught up in something or another). But as I delved into my theme deeper, I knew that I needed the focus of my goals to be about living an abundant life-becoming the disciple Christ is asking me to become. And to become the architect of my own happiness. Because its my journey, back to God, which means I have to learn as much as I possibly can-but I need to do that with joy. 

And now for the GOALS (my favorite part!): 

This year, per a request from our relief society president, I broke them down into categories

Spiritual Goals

1. Study the lessons for Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society prior to Sunday, each week

2. Continue attending the temple at least 2x a month

3. Write in my journal at least once a week (on Sundays) 

4. Have one 'gratitude prayer' a day

5. Practice patience: patience is far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results don't appear instantly or without effort.

6. Work on becoming softer (more meek): work on softening my speech (no more I'll cut yous or I'll punch yous); work on letting others take the lead; and work on not being aggressive (no more punching boys in the leg...)

Service Goals

1. Share the gospel/my testimony with at least 2 people this year

2. Continue to focus on the betterment of others-without expectations (Do my VT with the sisters as a focus, prepare my lessons focused on what others need, etc.)

3. Contact (written letters or phone calls only) family/loved ones at least once a month
4. Work on Family History at least once a month

Educational Goals

1. Read 10 church books and 10 non-fictional books about something I don't know a lot about

2. Read 5 classic books (Les Miserables, To Kill a Mocking Bird, etc) 

3. Try one new activity a month (cook a new recipe, go hiking, etc.)

Physical Goals

1. Continue running weekly and work on toning up

2. Get ready every day (no going out looking frumpy-makeup and hair must be done) 

Financial Goals

1. Get a real job!! (haha, no really...I would like to be hired on as clinical faculty at a pharmacy school)

2. Create a budget for the next year; save for and go on a trip somewhere foreign (Ireland or Africa); save for my upcoming move

3. Read a book on financial planning/take a class

Dating/Relationship Goals (this is my own addition)

1. Go on one date a month (either someone asks me or I have to ask-but they have to be actual dates-meaning planned, paid, and paired off) 

2. Practice building in relationships: Become better at listening and communicating; let go of control-get out of the pilot seat and jump into the co-pilot seat

So there you have it! My goals for my 28th year of life. This year I managed to accomplish almost all of my goals-This next year will be even better. I know that some of those goals don't seem very measurable, but I will know if I am meeting them (and I'm quite certain that a best friend of mine *AHEMthebrowAHEM* will also be able to tell me if I am meeting them!). 

'Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey...You are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine. Continue to increase in faith and personal righteousness. Accept the restored gospel of Jesus Christ as your way of life. Cherish the gift of activity in this great and true Church. Treasure the gift of service in the blessed organization of Relief Society. Continue to strengthen homes and families. Continue to seek out and help others who need your and the Lord’s help.'

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Year in Review

Last year, around this time, I posted that I wanted 27 to be a year to beat. It is amazing to me that as I sat down this morning to write this post, I was immediately pulled to all the many things I have to be grateful for-so much so, that I started to cry. (SHOCKING! This girl crying?! NEVER!) 2012 has definitely been a year to beat and for some reason I just know that 2013 will be just as great, if not better (maybe that's because of my new theme!! Which I am sooo excited about! But patience-that post will come soon).


My overall feelings about this past year have been summed up in a mix I made for my best friend, 'On Top of the World', or the song 'Up and Up'. That does not mean this year has been perfect-far from it. But every mountain and every challenge has had a purpose. And my theme for the year has really helped define my journey that much more.


So, let's review the theme and my goals! (I'm more excited about this then I have ever been before!)

"Meekness, however, is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control."

-Neal A. Maxwell

This quote served as my theme for the year and I broke it down into three points:

1st: The presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness

"I am a daughter of a King. How very important it is for me to treat myself with love and respect.

And then carry that love, respect, kindness, and gentleness to all those around me. How very important it is that each of us knows that God knows us and numbers us among the stars. This is an additional thing I think of when I read presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. Everyone has struggles, everyone has their own demons and challenges; EVERYONE needs a little more kindness and gentleness. And for some reason, Heavenly Father has given me a gift of being able to love-to see a person as an individual. And now, I want to really work on loving as he does. I want to see the worth of souls and help them to feel God's love for them. I want to serve from the bottom of my heart and give myself completely to following Christ's teachings."

In reflecting over this point, it amazes me just how many ways I was called to fill this role without recognizing it until now. It started with a call to the Relief Society Presidency. During a time of great need-a need for my talents to be used in the midst of extreme grief and sorrow, both my own personally and my wards. In less then a week, my rocky family relationships were all left hanging by a thread, I was left questioning who I really was, and then I was called to the presidency. Less then two weeks later, while I was still in the midst of my own grief, one of our sisters died in a car accident. Because the experiences were beyond personal, I will just simply say that I was literally carried by the Lord and managed to accomplish everything that was required of me. And as I gave everything that I could possibly give, I was given glimpses of the Lord's plan for my life. It was one of the most beautiful tender mercies I have ever received.

Later in the year, recently actually, I had a very special blessing from a friend. It was one of the most beautiful (and longest) blessings I have ever been given. In the days prior to the blessing, I had been struggling with how to serve a sister in our ward after I had unintentionally hurt her. The blessing was very specific about my call to serve. In the weeks since, I have seen that blessing fulfilled in ways I never thought possible.

In each instance I have learned more about who I really am, been able to love myself a little more, and more importantly-been able to love others more completely (and hopefully helped them to feel God's love).

2nd: reflecting certitude, strength, serenity

I want to continue this pattern, of involving my Father in Heaven in my life, with consistency-to really reflect certitude and strength. And then with this, find that inner peace-the serenity-that comes with really knowing God and understanding the plan that he has for me as an individual and all of us as a collective group...There is serenity in this concept that I want to find-a great strength in knowing God on that level. I want to dedicate this year to knowing my Savior on this level.

I don't think that I can say I have involved the Lord consistently in EVERYTHING this past year-but at the same time I have involved Heavenly Father in my life and I have known God's plan more then ever before. Its hard to reflect on this one, because it involves a lot of those refiner's fire moments. And its even harder because of the last few weeks-which have been an uphill battle to not fear the 'unknown' of the next phase of my life. But today as I sit and reflect on this statement and what I had intended for my life this past year, its obvious to me that 'heaven has shown me miracles'. I have learned this past year, that my inner strength and drive is a gift from Heavenly Father; but I have also learned that that strength is not really my own-but that I become mighty because of the Savior. This year I have learned that even in the thick of struggling, I can have complete peace.

3rd: a healthy self-esteem and self-control

'Have the courage to be imperfect on the road to perfection." Self-control is like a muscle-it requires constant use to build up its strength. And when we lack self control, Satan has complete control over our path in life. Elder Holland has reminded me, "The only real control in this life, is self-control." This is my goal for this year. To love myself a little more, to remember that I am not forgotten, and to consistently 'flex' my self-control.

Always a challenge to be completely honest with yourself-and of all my areas, this is one I still struggle with. But I've improved and that's the point of goals. I'm still struggling with certain definitions I've assigned to myself for years, but I'm getting better at recognizing my personal worth and strengths. And most importantly, my self control is getting better-not great, but better!

And now time for the GOALS

1. Read the New Testament-Learn more of Christ's ministry and how to apply those teachings to my own life (CHECK!)

2. Seek out opportunities to serve (and serve in the right way, without expecting blessings, but instead for the betterment of others) (CHECK!)

3. Consistently make the choice (my theme last year can't just be forgotten! Instead I have to consistently do it!) (CHECK!)

4. Pay off some of my debt (starting with the small things and working to the big ones!) (This will be on my list for years-but I've made progress and so I'm giving it a CHECK!)

5. Get published! (with my first manuscript) (Results still pending...)

6. Run a half-marathon (gotta do it this year...I ain't no spring chicken) (No check! But I am running 3x a week and working up so thats good)

7. Make a trip to VA (Hopefully in the Fall with Grace! And to see my all my favorites, including my BEST friend. Cause I miss her like crazy-and maybe convince her to finally come to Texas *hint,hint*) (CHECK CHECK CHECK!!! I saw all my favorites, had an amazing time with Jess, and she's totally coming to Texas! WOOOT!) 

8. Be Healthier (Exercising, simplifying my diet, and loving myself every day) (CHECK! I am most proud of this goal-because not only have I accomplished it-I've also lost weight and not just a few pounds, but I weigh less then I did in high-school. And most importantly, I feel better about myself then I have in years!) 

9. Read 25 books (Meh...it wasn't a good year for reading-because I was too busy running around and living my life) 

10. Go to the Temple 2x a month (CHECK!)

11. Less media, more time choosing the 'better part' (CHECK!)

12. Meet Heather's baby (my new little munchkin to spoil! I think I'm going to call him/her a giraffe!) (CHECK!)

So as you can see-2012 really has been a year to beat. But here's my thoughts on the matter (hey, you are reading my blog so I get that luxury) 2012 has been a year to beat-but I will beat it because this life is my journey and as you will soon learn, I have decided that's the most important part!