So I am doing it, I am transferring my records to the Single's Ward this Sunday. I am afraid I cannot deny the calling any longer. I feel really good about my decision though-I mean its so hard to leave the branch and when I told everyone on Sunday, I cried. But I also know that Heavenly Father has something more in store for me and I need to trust his answers to my prayers.

I have been very blessed recently. I made the decision to make a hearty effort to read the Ensign conference edition every morning before I go to school-granted I have only done this twice...its amazing the difference I feel. Yesterday I read Jeffery R. Holland's talk on the ministering of Angels and today I read Elder Wirthlin's talk...which just happens to be the title of my blog...

And it just makes me think about things and put them into perspective:

Losing Grandma almost a year ago (it will be a year March 8th) was probably the worst event thus far in my life. It was hard to understand Heavenly Father's reasoning and timing, which it usually is...but as I think about the blessings that have come from it, I cant help but shake my head in amazement. Because of the gravity of this loss, I spent hours on my knees begging for understanding and enlightenment. And maybe I still dont understand everything, but there is one thing I cannot deny and that is the fact that I had the full weight of Heavenly Father's love rest upon my aching soul and in those private and personal moments I knew my testimony would never waiver again.

At Christmas I had another painful event-which is still raw, but I am learning to accept the outcome-and as I read those talks all I could think to myself was, "The road is going to be hard, but take the time to laugh-COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT."

This doesnt come easily to me, I don't always understand. For some reason, Heavenly Father entrusts me with some of the harder trials. And at times I want to quit; at times I want to give in. But that glimpse of what will come if I endure gives me enough gusto to push through to the next trial. I am so blessed. I am so lucky. And I am grateful for the molding that is occuring within my heart and mind. Whatever he has in store, I am prepared to face it (and hopefully I can learn to do it with just a smidgen more grace)

Roommate DRAMA

So its that time of year again, where the roommate drama spins out of control. It always peaks at the end of winter beginning of summer. It NEVER fails. And I love both my roommates, they are great girls. But seriously? GROW UP. We are not freshman anymore...you can work out your problems by TALKING. You dont have to YELL or SCREAM. You do not have to make each other feel like insignificant, worthless people.
Once again, I am not on the inside of this fight. But I get to witness it...and it makes me cringe.
Any advice?

In other news I am getting motivated. No seriously...I'm makin lists and I am getting them done. :o)

So I have a story, Let me preface it with this morning I was talking to Sarah about how now the the single's ward is coming closer I really don't have strong reason to hold me back (other then the fact that I love the branch-but I feel like in order to grow I have to get out of that comfort zone...) So anyways I am sitting at Panera studying and all of a sudden there is a tap on my shoulder. Brother Clay (i think that's his name-he's in the bishopric) is standing there and he was like, "Amber right?" So of course I respond with "Yea, Hi, how are you doing?" So we make small chat which then of course veers towards the topic of the single's ward is moving. He reminds me that now all he has left to do is change the time and then I have to go because I mentioned that if it were closer and started earlier I would come...(STUPID TO MAKE STATEMENTS LIKE THAT WHEN PEOPLE IN POWER ARE LISTENING-its like talking about how you have been in the branch for 4 years and only given two talks...there are always people listening) We said our goodbyes and now instead of studying, my brain is on this decision.

Let me enter another side note: in my life when it comes to the big choices, I dont get these earth shattering confirmations that this is what I should do. Instead, things just fall into place. (when you grew up with a lifestyle in which life never fell into place it makes it very easy to recognize these moments-its also another testimony that Heavenly Father responds to us each individually)

I dont know what to do! I mean I really do feel like its time for me to try out the single's ward. I have felt like this for about a year. But I love the branch so much. If it wasnt for the branch I don't know if I could have made it through the past few years. The branch is home, its a place that I can go to and know that there will always be someone to hug, someone to take care of, and someone to laugh with. There are so many people there who have become my family. People who love me for me, people who are there when my own family lets me down. And I know that they will always be around-its just that seeing them every Sunday makes me look forward to getting through each week. And even more important to me...the branch is where I finally declared my testimony in its entirety. It is the place that has shaped me for six years and taught me to lean on my Father in Heaven through everything. Its more then just the branch-its a part of me.

I know that this may sound melodramatic...but this is why this decision is so hard for me: Growing up the church was hard for me because I never felt like I fit in-because my family was so imperfect. In the branch, your imperfections are why people love you and I am afraid that in the Single's ward that will be lost.

On the other side of the coin, what if I find all that and more at the single's ward...

See why this decision is so hard for me?

I want Jessica to make me something (hopefully its something that will last forever! and not just cookies or something perishable) so I am posting this!

Here's the deal: The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make! (But I'll try)
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year.
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a song. It may be a self portrait or maybe even some creation I haven't yet dreamed up. I may write something for you, I may draw, I may bake you something and mail it to you. It may not be big or impressive. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure! So come on, sign up!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a homemade gift by me!

So here they are! The pictures of my wonderfully painful ankle. I met with an orthopedic on Monday-basically its one of the worst sprains he's seen. There is a slight tear in my ligament and he said I would have been better off had I just broke the dang thing. (Thanks doctor...)

So he put me in a boot for 6-8 weeks and NO basketball or running for 4-6 months. (There goes my marathon training and here comes the weight!) But at least I dont have to have surgery...we all know I dont have time for that.

I officially have cankles...

The Bruising starting to form along the side of my foot

The bruising around my inner ankle (it looks like a cresent moon now)

Bruising that starts at the base of my calf and goes all the way to my toes...in a nice little line...

And the boot!

GIMP

Well its official. Basketball is over...for me anyways. With 2 minutes (or less) left in the game, I went up for a rebound came down and my right foot caved under me (til my ankle hit the ground) along with it came four of the most painful pops I have ever felt. My teammate Steph told me it was okay (she thought I was upset I missed the rebound) so I tried to walk it off...BAD IDEA. One step and I realized I had to get off the court. It took every ounce of strength I had to walk off the court and out the side door into the hallway. Once out there (safe from all the strangers) I broke out into sobs because the pain was intense.

Christy came out to check on me (and like an awesome super hero ran to get ice) We put it on ice and I (being a stubborn brat) decided that I was fine. So my roommate and I loaded up in the car. We head to kroger to get snacks for game night and while in the store I decided to test out the weight-bearing capabilities of my ankle. (Readers you may at this time be thinking to yourself this girl is an idiot-and in all honesty you'd be right)

So with my idiotic tendencies I placed weight on the ankle and it prompty rolled back under-this time I almost fell to the floor. Along with the roll came the most disgusting feeling (I literally gagged the pain was so much) So I swallowed my pride and said thats it...I am going to the doctor.

Two hours and 350 dollars later (thanks to out of state insurance nonsense) I now have a splint up to my knee, a bottle of vicodin, and an appointment with an orthopedic doctor on Monday. Can anyone guess how I feel?

If you guessed ridiculous-you'd be right. I was so excited about basketball. To be a part of something awesome...and instead I not only get the repertoire as the worst person on our team (which by the way I could totally handle-especially since my number taping skills were the best) but now I get to go down as the gimp girl that played four games. (AND THE WORST PART for me: I didnt even get to play much tonight-my total basketball playing time for four games was probably 2o minutes. Can you say awful?)

My vicodin is kicking in...I feel tingly...time to let it do its job. And stop beating myself up for tonight.

I promised The Brow I would update my blog for her entertainment...but every time I start to blog I get a massive attack of writer's block. There is just so much pressure to perform. I have never been the type of person who can sit, shake, jump, and roll over when someone says-even if they offer incentive. Its just not my style (don't worry Brow-I am not upset that you want me to write...I desperately want to write, it just wont come out)

Last night we played our third basketball game. We lost by one point-which leaves us at 1:2 in our stats. I recognize first hand that I am probably the worst person on the team-this is not me beating myself up, its just the truth. But I enjoy playing with the girls. Despite one or two people on our team, I think we have one of the best groups of girls possible. We all get along pretty well and each of us brings something different to the team. I like it because its pretty much devoid of cattiness and competition-we are all there to have fun and we all enjoy supporting one another. (This team is actually making me consider going to the single's ward-I KNOW GASP AND DIE!!!)

This morning I woke up at seven and just decided to lie in bed for as long as possible because I was still really tired and sore from the game last night. Around 9, SS comes into my room and its obvious that she wants to talk about Cheeseball. I don't know what to say to her...so I just listen. Its so hard to be a part of her situation because I would love nothing more than to pour out my heart on this blog, to talk about the magic that I felt over break, only to have the bottom drop out. But I can't put the words to the keyboard. I dont understand my own situation anymore then I understand hers-so I listen because its obvious that I cannot provide any insight into what either of us should do.

Its almost like performing again-trying to know what is the right decision here-do I not open my mouth because that's how he would prefer it? Do I not question him and make him tell me something (ANYTHING), instead of enduring this awful silence and random bits of encouragement-"Don't worry...I'll be there soon, Aren't you excited that we only have three more months?" When the reality is that he still has not said anything about our last conversation, he has not written the promised letter to let me know how he really feels, and he has had an entire month.

This is just a weak moment. Honestly, I am okay. I know that it will work out the way it is intended to, I just have to have patience. And we all know patience is probably the virtue I lack most. I guess its time for another try at self mastery!