I promised The Brow I would update my blog for her entertainment...but every time I start to blog I get a massive attack of writer's block. There is just so much pressure to perform. I have never been the type of person who can sit, shake, jump, and roll over when someone says-even if they offer incentive. Its just not my style (don't worry Brow-I am not upset that you want me to write...I desperately want to write, it just wont come out)

Last night we played our third basketball game. We lost by one point-which leaves us at 1:2 in our stats. I recognize first hand that I am probably the worst person on the team-this is not me beating myself up, its just the truth. But I enjoy playing with the girls. Despite one or two people on our team, I think we have one of the best groups of girls possible. We all get along pretty well and each of us brings something different to the team. I like it because its pretty much devoid of cattiness and competition-we are all there to have fun and we all enjoy supporting one another. (This team is actually making me consider going to the single's ward-I KNOW GASP AND DIE!!!)

This morning I woke up at seven and just decided to lie in bed for as long as possible because I was still really tired and sore from the game last night. Around 9, SS comes into my room and its obvious that she wants to talk about Cheeseball. I don't know what to say to her...so I just listen. Its so hard to be a part of her situation because I would love nothing more than to pour out my heart on this blog, to talk about the magic that I felt over break, only to have the bottom drop out. But I can't put the words to the keyboard. I dont understand my own situation anymore then I understand hers-so I listen because its obvious that I cannot provide any insight into what either of us should do.

Its almost like performing again-trying to know what is the right decision here-do I not open my mouth because that's how he would prefer it? Do I not question him and make him tell me something (ANYTHING), instead of enduring this awful silence and random bits of encouragement-"Don't worry...I'll be there soon, Aren't you excited that we only have three more months?" When the reality is that he still has not said anything about our last conversation, he has not written the promised letter to let me know how he really feels, and he has had an entire month.

This is just a weak moment. Honestly, I am okay. I know that it will work out the way it is intended to, I just have to have patience. And we all know patience is probably the virtue I lack most. I guess its time for another try at self mastery!