Its ten thirty in the morning, I am still in my pajamas sitting in front of my computer screen-wishing that I had socks on my feet because they are freezing. But I am in no mood to move and warm myself, I am in no mood to get my butt in gear today and its irking me. Last night I came into my bedroom to pray and reflect on this girl that the missionaries have asked me to fellowship. With my scriptures open on my lap and my Preach the Gospel manual at my knees, I felt overwhelmed with this feeling that despite what has been said or hasnt been said, that my life is going to take a new route this year.

I know...its a new year, so it seems quite trite to say things are going to be different. But I can feel it in my bones, its weird. Its one of those intuitive feelings that shake you to the core. This last year was definatley one of the hardest up until that very last day-there was no rest for the weary. It started in Feburary when I got the flu and missed a week of school. Then in March as I was headed to spend yet another spring break with my Grandma, my world crashed around me with just one phone call. I lost my anchor in my life when I was told my Grandma passed away. I didnt understand what Heavenly Father's plan for me was-it was a new questioning to my faith all over again. I spent months crawling out of my skin, wishing that someone could explain to me this path my life is supposed to take. My loss was magnified through the year with my brother's loss of his innocence and entrance into a world that I thought we were all strong enough to stay away from. Then again in October, with the passing of Jake-a loved one, a father, a husband, a friend. Then finally in December, when the loss of the potential of something beautiful became apparent. The weight of my loss through the year just seemed unbearable. I couldnt understand the plan-its something thats always hard for me, believing that through it all there is a plan that is necessary for each of us.

But slowly, through hours of prayer and study, I learned the most important lesson of all: Heavenly Father is my father. He's the one that comforts me when no one else can, he is the one who teaches me painful lessons-ones that break his own heart-so that I can grow and become the best that I can in this life. He is the one who knows where my life will go and he tries to lead me in the direction that will help me get there. As a child, my biggest wish in life was that I would be like all my friends and have a father who was an active part of my life. And in an instant, as an adult, I finally got it-I had a Father all those years, he was by my side and preparing me for everything that has come my way.

This year will be different, Jeffery Holland once said that what the Lord takes away he replaces 1000 fold. And as I sit freezing at my computer, I know that this year will be different. I may still have loss to face, I may still have lessons to learn, but my testimony is becoming stronger every day. I am excited to serve, to fellowship, to share, and to teach; but most of all I am ready to be taught, I am ready to stop and listen, to take the time to acknowledge that Heavenly Father has a distinct presence in my life and that he is not going anywhere.

Thanks to an example from a dear friend (Sha), I am going to list my words for the year (I have two because I couldnt decide between the two).

My first word is TRUST: I have to learn to trust in Heavenly Father's plan for me. With that trust in him comes humility and submissiveness. I have to also trust myself a little more and trust in others around me. I have to trust that the spirit will guide me to the right choices and that when the time comes I will know the answer to the questions lingering in my heart. With trust comes my second word, PURPOSE. Purpose can be a noun or a verb, my intentions and steps are listed below.
–noun
1. the reason for which something exists or is done: what is my purpose in God's plan-how can I better be an instrument for his work
2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal: what is my desired result for school, where do I want to end up, where do I want to go (is this in line with what Heavenly Father wants for me?)
3. determination; resoluteness: my determination to love and serve my family must be stronger. I need to be a better example to all of them, I need to listen more and talk less, I need to be there.
–verb
6. to set as an aim, intention, or goal for oneself: my goal this year is the temple. When the time is right, I will know. But until then I will prepare myself in several ways.
7. to intend; design: I intend to be happier this year, truly happy

I am ready to warm my feet now so I will end with this quote that I absolutely love:
"Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now. The lives of all of us, of course, go through similar alterations and changes. The difference between the changes in my life and the changes in yours is only in the details. Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes.
This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."
--President Thomas S. Monson