President Monson spoke of gratitude this past conference. I love listening to a Prophet's voice. So tonight, when I should be sleeping, I have decided to speak of the gratitude I have for my best/closest friends.
For My Grandmother: who is always a shining star in my life, who has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, who has never failed me and who never will. If I could be more like anyone in this world, I would take all her best qualities, keep my sas, and be a remarkably witty and beautiful woman (inside and out)
“The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart.”
For my high school best friend (and my soul mate-even though you are now married): who has always had faith in me, who taught me about the Gospel and what it truly means to live it, who's life matches my own-through trials, through joy, and through time. Who was the first person to call me out and stick around, who loves my family like her own (even if they drive her crazy). I know we were hand crafted as friends, because 'I am you, and you are me'
“Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.”
For my adult best friend: Nobody fights better then us, but it works because I am constantly challenged to be a better person, no one has had more of an impact then you on my spiritual growth, no one has pushed me as hard, but helped me up along the way. There is something very special about finding a friend through the spirit-sometimes it seems as though my spirit knows you best. Your strength and testimony are beautiful. And yes, you are amazing. What I love most is that you teach me I'm amazing too.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”
For my closest friends (and you better know who you are because saturday morning yoga and brunch would never be the same without you): Thank you for love, laughter, and life. I couldn't imagine closer sisters then you.
“I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.”
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
What Can I Say?
Today was a day. I have lots of thoughts, from Sunday through today, but as I try to convey them out of my brain and into my blog-I have a block. Guess that means it will have to wait.
The truth is I can't put the words down, until I sort it out. And I don't see that happening anytime soon. All I know is that I tried and now I'm stuck. Probably should be better at conquering my pride and just convey thoughts.
In other news: I'm trying to be better about updating, my new goal is to post at least once a week...we will see how long that lasts.
The truth is I can't put the words down, until I sort it out. And I don't see that happening anytime soon. All I know is that I tried and now I'm stuck. Probably should be better at conquering my pride and just convey thoughts.
In other news: I'm trying to be better about updating, my new goal is to post at least once a week...we will see how long that lasts.
Friday, September 17, 2010
I went out with the missionaries last night to help them teach a member who has been inactive for 11 years. The lesson they gave was about Prayer. (Not a coincidence if you refer to the previous post in which I posted my favorite quote from Abraham Lincoln) The lesson was about the right way to pray and they compared the prayer of the Zoramites to that of Alma. Of course some of my favorite scriptures are in this section. I love how Alma describes how he is feeling to the lord (See Alma 31:31) and I love how he asks the Lord for comfort, for strength, and for patience. I love how he prays for those around him, specifically by name. I love how he shows sincere gratitude and humility for his Savior and his Father in Heaven.
Prayer for me is something very profound and critical. I have a quote from Brigham Young that states, "Getting down on my knees will one day save my life, whether it be in marriage, in work, or in my spirit." I find this quote to be very profound. And I know for a fact that prayers have saved my life more then once. (and not necessarily my own prayers, but the prayers of others too) I don't mean to sound dramatic and I hope my thoughts are conveyed with the reverence they deserve. I love prayer, almost more then anything else in this gospel. Because prayer is my direct line to my Father in Heaven. In my prayers, I can convey exactly how I feel without worrying how it sounds or how it may be conveyed because when I pray, I pray with my heart. And I know that our Heavenly Father hears our heart very clearly, to me it is the one sound he probably cannot block out, nor would he. But what is even more beautiful to me is the fact that when I pray, my Father in Heaven has promised that he will answer in some way or another. The answers I get may not be ones I want to hear, but I know they are the answers that I need in my life.
I have said a lot more prayers in the past three weeks then I have said over the last year. It amazes me how often I have been 'brought to my knees with the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go.' But what amazes me even more is the firm, yet sweet answers I have received from Him, through others. (To those of you who act on promptings or serve without knowing the full reason why, I thank you-because in more ways then one you become someone's answer to a prayer.)
I am far from perfect. FAR from perfect. OH SO VERY FAR. But I am learning each day how to draw closer to my Father in Heaven. And I am learning how to let his will be my will. And though it is a very painful and difficult process at times, I am slowly being healed through the refiner's fire. And to those people who stand in as my relief through the most difficult times, thank you for being an instrument in God's hands. My gratitude could never be shown adequately, nor could my love ever be conveyed properly.
Prayer for me is something very profound and critical. I have a quote from Brigham Young that states, "Getting down on my knees will one day save my life, whether it be in marriage, in work, or in my spirit." I find this quote to be very profound. And I know for a fact that prayers have saved my life more then once. (and not necessarily my own prayers, but the prayers of others too) I don't mean to sound dramatic and I hope my thoughts are conveyed with the reverence they deserve. I love prayer, almost more then anything else in this gospel. Because prayer is my direct line to my Father in Heaven. In my prayers, I can convey exactly how I feel without worrying how it sounds or how it may be conveyed because when I pray, I pray with my heart. And I know that our Heavenly Father hears our heart very clearly, to me it is the one sound he probably cannot block out, nor would he. But what is even more beautiful to me is the fact that when I pray, my Father in Heaven has promised that he will answer in some way or another. The answers I get may not be ones I want to hear, but I know they are the answers that I need in my life.
I have said a lot more prayers in the past three weeks then I have said over the last year. It amazes me how often I have been 'brought to my knees with the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go.' But what amazes me even more is the firm, yet sweet answers I have received from Him, through others. (To those of you who act on promptings or serve without knowing the full reason why, I thank you-because in more ways then one you become someone's answer to a prayer.)
I am far from perfect. FAR from perfect. OH SO VERY FAR. But I am learning each day how to draw closer to my Father in Heaven. And I am learning how to let his will be my will. And though it is a very painful and difficult process at times, I am slowly being healed through the refiner's fire. And to those people who stand in as my relief through the most difficult times, thank you for being an instrument in God's hands. My gratitude could never be shown adequately, nor could my love ever be conveyed properly.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"Many times in my life, I have been driven to my knees with the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to turn."
This is how I have felt as of recently. And for the most part its a wonderful feeling, because who better to talk to then your Father in Heaven. However, I think part of it is a way to pull away from all the things that are recently hurting me or that I'm just not sure how to handle.
Heather called tonight. Have to love those tender mercies, even though I told her nothing and just listened to her ramble, it was nice to have the comfort of knowing that she will always be my best friend-marriage didn't change anything, other then less frequent calls (and by less frequent I mean 2-3x a week versus 7 days!)
And yes, I could have told her all the things that are building up inside-but I want to work them out with the Lord. Because in the end, he knows my future destination. And through Him, I will find peace.
This is how I have felt as of recently. And for the most part its a wonderful feeling, because who better to talk to then your Father in Heaven. However, I think part of it is a way to pull away from all the things that are recently hurting me or that I'm just not sure how to handle.
Heather called tonight. Have to love those tender mercies, even though I told her nothing and just listened to her ramble, it was nice to have the comfort of knowing that she will always be my best friend-marriage didn't change anything, other then less frequent calls (and by less frequent I mean 2-3x a week versus 7 days!)
And yes, I could have told her all the things that are building up inside-but I want to work them out with the Lord. Because in the end, he knows my future destination. And through Him, I will find peace.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
What Am I to Change?
Yesterday, Jessica and I sat in the car having a heart to heart about where we stand right now in our lives. Let me first start by saying that I am so grateful for a friend like her. Jessica is a rare person and an amazing friend. Although she yelled at me a few times yesterday, her frustration was out of a deep love for me. Its a tender mercy from the Lord to have a friend who can see all your faults, see that you are on a path to destruction, and still love you enough to fight for your safety-loves you enough to threaten harm on others, just to keep you safe. I can't begin to tell you how important that type of friend is right now (and always)
I spent the drive back to Harrisonburg in deep contemplation of the things we had discussed in that car. I spoke with my Father in Heaven and asked him to help me to tear down this broken foundation and start fresh. I really admire Jessica (and the strength she had to act upon the promptings she had, despite how hard it was for her). I am drawing complete strength from her actions and the spirit today as I prepare myself to do the same thing tonight.
The spirit has been speaking loudly and very clearly for a while now-and true to the natural man, I have ignored it and acted like I've been left in the dark. But that is anything but true; the truth is, I knew what the right thing was and I openly rebelled against it because I wanted more instantaneous happiness, instead of the appropriate joy that comes from a righteous life. But it is not something I can ignore anymore-because my ultimate happiness is on the line. It may seem dramatic to those of you who read this because I am being very vague; but I can assure you, a life spent searching after the acceptance and approval of man is not a life of happiness. The silken thread that entices us to sin, when given the chance, will become the anchor that drags us down to hell.
I am choosing not to be bound anymore. I am choosing to forsake my current choices and desires, to protect me. In Elder James B. Martino's conference talk, he states "A small amount of pain now will protect them from possible pain and suffering in the future. Our Father in Heaven knows the end from the beginning. We need to follow the example of the Savior and trust in Him." Later in the talk, he gives us advice to get through trials-he asks us to consider "What Am I to Change" when a trial arises.
After hours of heartfelt prayer, after weeks and months of anguish, I now know what I need to change. And although it will be difficult, I know that it is the only way that I will ever truly move forward and progress to a stronger testimony. In a sense, it is the only way that I will ever be able to learn, "Peace Be Still". In a talk by Sister Nelson, she relates a story of how sometimes in life we have to cut away more, even after we have started to piece things back together. So it is with many of us when we look at our current states. Despite that I have made every effort to move forward, I can't move forward without going back and cutting out some very large parts. I don't know much, but I know enough to know that I want peace and joy in my life-and I know where to start to find them.
Like Jessica said, "Life is hard, no matter where you stand. There are going to be the ups and downs, the big disappointments and the little pricks of pain versus the big joys and the tiny happy moments scattered throughout. But I know that everything we experience is ultimately for our good."
I spent the drive back to Harrisonburg in deep contemplation of the things we had discussed in that car. I spoke with my Father in Heaven and asked him to help me to tear down this broken foundation and start fresh. I really admire Jessica (and the strength she had to act upon the promptings she had, despite how hard it was for her). I am drawing complete strength from her actions and the spirit today as I prepare myself to do the same thing tonight.
The spirit has been speaking loudly and very clearly for a while now-and true to the natural man, I have ignored it and acted like I've been left in the dark. But that is anything but true; the truth is, I knew what the right thing was and I openly rebelled against it because I wanted more instantaneous happiness, instead of the appropriate joy that comes from a righteous life. But it is not something I can ignore anymore-because my ultimate happiness is on the line. It may seem dramatic to those of you who read this because I am being very vague; but I can assure you, a life spent searching after the acceptance and approval of man is not a life of happiness. The silken thread that entices us to sin, when given the chance, will become the anchor that drags us down to hell.
I am choosing not to be bound anymore. I am choosing to forsake my current choices and desires, to protect me. In Elder James B. Martino's conference talk, he states "A small amount of pain now will protect them from possible pain and suffering in the future. Our Father in Heaven knows the end from the beginning. We need to follow the example of the Savior and trust in Him." Later in the talk, he gives us advice to get through trials-he asks us to consider "What Am I to Change" when a trial arises.
After hours of heartfelt prayer, after weeks and months of anguish, I now know what I need to change. And although it will be difficult, I know that it is the only way that I will ever truly move forward and progress to a stronger testimony. In a sense, it is the only way that I will ever be able to learn, "Peace Be Still". In a talk by Sister Nelson, she relates a story of how sometimes in life we have to cut away more, even after we have started to piece things back together. So it is with many of us when we look at our current states. Despite that I have made every effort to move forward, I can't move forward without going back and cutting out some very large parts. I don't know much, but I know enough to know that I want peace and joy in my life-and I know where to start to find them.
Like Jessica said, "Life is hard, no matter where you stand. There are going to be the ups and downs, the big disappointments and the little pricks of pain versus the big joys and the tiny happy moments scattered throughout. But I know that everything we experience is ultimately for our good."
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Amazing Grace
I've had this song in my head the last few days, well the first line anyways. And I just keep thinking about the last few months and the personal struggles that I have had in my life. The last few months have been an all out war within myself. I forgot what it felt like to hear the Spirit. I forgot what it felt like to burn with faith. Maybe I didn't forget, but I blocked them out. And for a few moments, I even wondered if I had lost my hope.
But just when I thought the moment had come where I would surrender to it all, I was overwhelmed with the strength of my testimony. And the tender mercies of the Lord overcame my wearied heart and lifted me back on my feet.
I don't pretend to understand how the Spirit talks to others. But I know how the Spirit talks to me. And over the last few days, the messages have been subtle, but so true that I cannot let them escape my brain. My hope is renewed and my faith the same as it always was-I know the truth and that is all I need.
Life is hard for me. I'm sure its hard for all of us. Because it is supposed to be hard. Its about learning, its about growth. And honestly-as hard as it can be-I hope I never stop growing.
**A message for any of my friends or family who might be lost or who may have forgotten: Hold on. Just keep holding on. Because I promise you, whatever the reasons, it will be worth it.
But just when I thought the moment had come where I would surrender to it all, I was overwhelmed with the strength of my testimony. And the tender mercies of the Lord overcame my wearied heart and lifted me back on my feet.
I don't pretend to understand how the Spirit talks to others. But I know how the Spirit talks to me. And over the last few days, the messages have been subtle, but so true that I cannot let them escape my brain. My hope is renewed and my faith the same as it always was-I know the truth and that is all I need.
Life is hard for me. I'm sure its hard for all of us. Because it is supposed to be hard. Its about learning, its about growth. And honestly-as hard as it can be-I hope I never stop growing.
**A message for any of my friends or family who might be lost or who may have forgotten: Hold on. Just keep holding on. Because I promise you, whatever the reasons, it will be worth it.
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