Making the Choice

It should come as no surprise that I have been put to the test this past week. Satan can be very cunning and I believe his attacks are very specific and personal. I hate to admit that self-doubt and fear have consumed my thoughts this week. I have loathed myself for feeling certain ways and I have been unable to step outside of myself and serve others around me who need it most. In short, I stopped being a good friend, I stopped acting and instead allowed myself to be acted upon.

What I am most grateful for this week, is that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. Be it through other people, the scriptures, or through the Holy Spirit-God NEVER leaves us hanging. I had the challenge to finish listening to the last session of conference by today and the second to last talk was by Elder Jeffery R. Holland. His talk struck me and the Spirit gave me a gentle reminder of a commitment that I had made a few months ago. In his talk, Elder Holland reminds us that we are to 'consecrate our lives to the callings that come to us and to the duty to preach God's word'. In short, we are all called to be disciples and 'as the path of discipleship ascends, the trail gets even more narrow until we come to the knee buckling sermon of 'be ye therefore perfect.' What was gentle in the lowlands of initial loyalty, becomes deeply strenuous and very demanding at the summit of true discipleship.'

This gentle, yet specific description reminded me of my challenge for this year and answered my prayers so specifically. This year, I want to make the choice to be a disciple of Christ; I want to lead my life as he would have me lead it and become who he would have me be. But in order to accomplish this, I have to seek Him out and learn of Him. When I went and listened to Elder David A. Bednar, of the quorum of the twelve, I received an apostolic admonition to 'get a brand new copy of the Book of Mormon and seek out Christ from the beginning to the end.'

In that moment I made a commitment to accomplish this task and somehow along the way, I got distracted. Today, I was reminded of my commitment and I reaffirmed my desire to know Christ. I know that I need Him in my life. Its not just this occasional thing-like when the moments get hard; I need Him every hour, it is the only way I can become his true disciple.

Life is hard, but that doesn't mean we cannot have joy. 'Living the gospel is not a chore, it is the path that brings enduring happiness and joy.' I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who takes the time to answer my prayers and who knows me individually and loves me because of my imperfections and weaknesses.

This is my time (and all of our time) to make the choice to act and not be acted upon. Each of us can come to know Christ and through the process find true happiness.