Letting Go

Its been clear to me that this past week has not been easy for most of the people in my life. I have spent countless hours having conversations with people who have been overwhelmed or bombarded with heartbreaking situations and in the midst of it all, I lost sight of myself and became one hot mess.

I thought that going to the temple yesterday would resolve my inner turmoil and that I would find peace. But peace did not come in the temple and I struggled with understanding the emotions I felt. I knew I had felt the Spirit and I found some answers, but I did not feel peace. I left the temple with a racing mind and a desire to do nothing but curl up and cry. I didn't have the time-I had plans with Chantal and Jimmy, Chantal had planned this dinner to put me with another person and I felt like I couldn't let her down.

Finally, after putting on my best game face, I was able to come home and let go (sorry Jessica for becoming a hot mess on your floor). I cried and blubbered and finally vocalized my thoughts. It didn't matter if what I was saying was all true-if the thoughts were stronger because of the emotions. I just had to let it go and as I did, I was finally able to see through the storm clouds.

This morning I awoke and everything was clear. The Spirit was with me from the very second I opened my eyes. I had small tender mercies as I walked through the house doing various things. And then at church it finally clicked and the peace I had been searching for all week, finally came.

Heavenly Father doesn't ask us to give up very much of ourselves and it is true that what he does ask of us can get difficult. However, if we can just hold the way and push through the difficult paths, our Father in Heaven will pour out his blessings upon us with such grace we have never known. I knew that I felt the Spirit in the temple and even though I didn't feel the peace, I didn't throw in the towel. I kept pushing forward even as I was cracking at every seam and felt as though I was like humpty dumpty and couldn't put myself back together again. Yet, there was a reason for it all.

Heavenly Father doesn't just hand it over-he tests us, he wants to make sure we are going to do what he asks. And when we do, we are then worthy of His blessings. I love this gospel-I love my faith in this gospel. Without it I don't know where I would be.