I have seven days until my Grandma gets here, eleven days until my mom gets here, and twelve days until I go through the temple!!

My friend wrote this awesome blog entry and I really loved this piece. Probably something I should learn a little better...


When you are focused on one thing then you may overlook something better. It may not seem better right away, but you have to remember, guys are just like girls in the respect that they are looking for someone too. They can make the same mistakes that we make. If you aren't dating a guy, haven't even gone on one date, don't you dare put everything you have into it. Because if it falls through, if he decides to go for someone else, it will hurt like a break-up when you weren't even dating.

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
-Ghandi

I have always been one to say that if my life sucks I should go and serve another. It's almost my die hard motto. This does not mean that I succeed at it, nor do I manage to get out of my rut sometimes to actually serve. What it does mean is that I know that through the service of others we heal ourselves.

Thursday morning I set out with a car full of people and bags. We headed west for six hours. Drove into the deep center of the Appalachian Mountains. I was heading out on a trip that I have been excited about for months. I was participating in a program called RAM (Remote Area Medical). This is an outsourcing program that goes to remote areas with high populations of uninsured, under-insured, unemployed, or under-employed people and provides medical and dental care. I went as a student pharmacist to gain practice in my community outsourcing. I spent four days waking up at 4am to arrive on-site by 5; by 5:30 I was in Triage shuffling patients through as fast as my partner and I could go. I talked with patients, did their work-ups, and then sent them on their way. I worked until I was physically exhausted; by the end of the day I had enough stamina to eat and shower before I fell into my bed in a deep sleep.

My one goal for this trip was to know that I had given my all to help these patients. At the end of the day today, as I changed from my soaking wet clothes, I looked at my partner and we both smiled. We knew we had given our all. The drive home was almost impossible. We were all so mentally and physically tired that I never thought we would arrive home safe.

Now that it is over, I wish I could go back. Throughout the days I earned the name of smiley because even at 5 in the morning I was smiling for my patients. When I think about how some days it seems like a chore to put a smile on my face because the world is weighing me down it makes me sad. It makes me determined to strive a little harder to serve EVERY day. Life is so easily put into perspective when you are in the service of your fellow being. True joy and happiness comes from that service. I hope that as I start my week tomorrow, I can find at least one person to serve each day.

We claim the privilege of worshiping the Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

I read this article of faith yesterday in Relief Society and for some reason it struck something deep within my core. I couldn't shake how important and necessary this particular article of faith is. Today I found out why.

I've been preparing for quite some time now to go to the temple. It has been a long, drawn out, and rigorous process. It took months of deep, sincere prayers and studying of multiple references and scriptures. I have a testimony of how sacred and how important the covenants made in the temple are; and I knew that I would not be able to go to the temple until I knew I was ready. A week prior from yesterday, I set my date. I met with my Bishop and we decided on a temple date. It was not a decision I came to lightly. It was a decision I made with respect and complete reverence. It was a decision that I will cherish forever.

That all being said, since I have made my decision the opposition in my life has increased ten fold (just as I knew it would). I have been struggling with things that I didn't think would be an issue. And today, today I faced the biggest one yet. Today, that article of faith became my shield and my strength.

After weeks of avoiding my old roommate and all the sadness/pain/frustration I have felt since moving out, I went to meet with her today. I did not want to go, but I went because I knew that it had to be settled. I went because I wanted to try and make it right in some sense of the word. Things were fine for the first fifteen to twenty minutes, however, things quickly took a turn. One minute we were discussing frustrations over the move-out, the next minute it flipped and we were discussing religion. Things were said that I will not repeat. Things that hurt more then I could ever express. I was told that my beloved Book of Mormon was wrong and evil; that it simply couldn't be true.

I was speechless. I couldn't string together thoughts. My blood was boiling within my body, but my spirit refused to engage. I tried to explain my faith, I tried to make it clear that I know with EVERY fiber of my being that this church is true. I know the Book of Mormon is true. I don't need scientific proof or historical proof. Faith is not proven through logic; faith is learned through experience and through trusting the Lord. Nothing I said would get through, so I ended it and left.

And then I remembered that tender mercy of the Lord that I was granted yesterday. The one that I didn't quite understand at that very time and place. The one that makes perfect sense now: I claim the privilege of worshiping the Almighty God according to the dictates of MY OWN conscience. And I allow all men/women the same privilege.

I stand firm in my decision; I am going to the temple on August 12th and it is the right decision. I know this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith had an answer to his prayer; that he was a prophet of God and that he restored this gospel. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that the teachings in it are important and that it, along with the Bible, testifies of Christ and his love for us. I know that the pathway to righteousness goes through the temple. I am humbled to stand on that pathway and walk his way. I know opposition is going to be strong, but I will not alter my course. I will prove myself herewith and someday kneel at my Father's feet.

I'm so confused at the mixed signals I'm getting across the board. Its frustrating. And painful.

I feel like I let someone down. I can't shake how awful I feel about the whole situation. I want to talk to this person...to somehow set it right. But I also know that they need their space and that when they are ready to deal they will let me know.

But that is hard for me. I want to fix it...to deal with it. I really care about this person; I value their friendship and presence in my life.

Somehow something went wrong and both of us were let down. And I hate this waiting game.

Where Oh Where Do You Start When the World Looks So Amazing from Every Perspective?!

"When you set your sights on the temple, EVERYTHING else falls into it's proper place. It may not be the way you want it to be, but it will turn out the way it is supposed to turn out."

This weekend was a tumultuous ride to say the least. I've been back home from my trip to the west for almost a week now and I have had a very hard time coming down from all the stress (be it the prior preparation stress, the stress while there, the stress of leaving on good terms, and the overall stresses involved with coming back home). There have been a lot of things weighing down on me mentally which has made it difficult to sleep at night. By Friday, I had had it. I spent the entire day being anti-social and avoiding all people. There were people I was supposed to call but couldn't bring myself to do it.

Saturday I worked all day and then went to hang out with the Brow. We had an awesome time (at least I did) being girlie and painting our nails. Then we made the decision to go see the movie My Sister's Keeper (we had both read the book and really wanted to see the movie)...we were also both greatly disappointed in the ending...but that's not important. After the movie, we ended up sitting in my car in her driveway talking. For some reason the Brow and I enjoy having deep meaningful conversations in the car. Anyways, we talked about a lot of important stuff through the evening and it left me with lots to think about...

By Sunday morning I was crawling out of my skin. I knew that I couldn't avoid these issues anymore. It wasn't an option. But what I didn't understand was why it was so hard for me. At church, the sacrament talks were right on point. They were so amazing and the spirit was so strong. After sacrament I snagged the Bishop for a very important conversation-when that was over I was on a spiritual HIGH! Church continued and it was wonderful. My roommates and I came home and had TONS of people over to eat Breakfast and play games. After everyone had gone home for the night, I got a phone call. It was one of the people I was avoiding. It was one of the conversations I didn't want to have....but I couldn't avoid it any longer.

So I had the conversation. And this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Even better, we both understood one another and finally let go of all the hurts. It was exactly what I needed to end my amazing day.

I am so blessed. I am so grateful to be in this gospel. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have, but even more so for the eternal perspective my Father in Heaven holds. I am grateful for Sundays, for their restorative effect. I am grateful for two wonderful roommates who uplift and support me-who literally bring me joy. I am grateful for more then I can express right now. And I am overwhelmed with love for not only my Father, but everyone in my life. I'm excited that I set my date. I am ready. And even though challenges will arise over the next month to deter me...I will make it through.