"If you take two steps towards God, God runs towards you."-The Life of Pi

Isn't it amazing that this statement is so simple, yet so profound. Human nature causes us to fight the against the faith we have. Its like the theory of chaos-we want to keep things ordered...but we can't because the law of chaos fights us. Similarly, our own human nature fights when we want to cling to the rod.

Its amazing to me what else our human nature causes us to fight against-even if it is something we innately want-we still have a hard time accomplishing it all. It can be as complicated as desperately wanting to connect with a friend but the human nature of pride gets in the way. Or it can be as simple as wanting to read your scriptures every day but the day to day stresses get in the way.

And yet, our Heavenly Father sits patiently waiting for us to just turn to him. And the second we do there he stands with open arms, ready to enfold us, to comfort us, and to shower us with blessings. I hope that each of us can strive a little harder to fight that human nature and cling a little stronger.

Maybe then we can read our scriptures a little more and maybe we can let go of the pride and find that closeness in that friend again.

I called Heather on thursday night...I told her that despite the fact I am doing okay, I need my best friend. She bought a plane ticket within the hour. She wont be here for two more weeks, but I am so excited to see her. (We just saw each other in March...but it seems like a lifetime ago)

I am so lucky to have a best friend in her. And honestly I cant wait for the long nights of conversation, the reassurances of the gospel that we both love, and above all the silliness we always seem to create. Looking back at the summer before my senior year, I would have never thought that I would find my friend for life with her. But Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he set our paths together!

I am so grateful for a dear sweet friend like her.

Wow. Its all I can say. Wow. When things start to finally make sense, when you finally understand His plan a little more...WOW.

This mortal life can constitute a difficult journey, but the destination is truly glorious. Christ expressed this to His disciples: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
-Elder Quentin L. Cook

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

In 5 days I will be a P3 (3rd year pharmacy student)....If I survive finals and everything else life throws at me! But I'm pretty sure that I'll be okay

And I'm loving the insight I'm gaining!

so yeah-I'm full of gratitude.

It's been a very rough month. Everytime the dust starts to settle, some tornado comes back through my life. A very dear and special friend sent me this beautiful message today. I just had to share part of what she said in my blog because what she says is so very true:

The first thing that came to mind was a talk given by Elder Maxwell at BYU years ago, titled, "But For a Small Moment." He has a profound way of explaining timing and how all things are in the Lord's hands. He gently reminds us that as frustrated or weak or tired as we may be, there is One who stands by. Not idly, but lovingly, knowing that these are things that are shaping us to be His instruments and knowing that these situations we must face are part of His plan. He says:

"If God chooses to teach us the things we most need to learn because he loves us, and if he seeks to tame our souls and gentle us in the way we most need to be tamed and most need to be gentled, it follows that he will customize the challenges he gives us and individualize them so that we will be prepared for life in a better world by his refusal to take us out of this world, even though we are not of it. In the eternal ecology of things we must pray, therefore, not that things be taken from us, but that God's will be accomplished through us."

I know it's hard, I know it's difficult. I know you're being pushed to bounds you have never reached before. And I know you can't understand why in the world things don't seem to be working out how you thought they would or how you would like them to. But my testimony is that we all agreed to carry the cross we bear in our lives before we came down and in return God promised an added measure of support and blessings from him to guarantee that we would overcome this mortal experience. He knows what He is asking of you and He has never been more proud of you then at these moments when you fall to your knees and proclaim, "Thy will be done, " even when there are no answers in sight.

The Lord's path is not always what we seem to think we want, but it is always what we need. So staying true to my motto-Come what may with all these things and I will find a way to love them.

I'm finally breathing a little lighter. And I am really finding a lot of things to be grateful for EACH day. Its amazing how much I can see the Lord's hand in my life these past two weeks. I'm closer to him then I ever thought possible (and I can only imagine that with every trial that I am to pass through in this life-that closeness will become more and more apparent)

I am sad that I missed watching most of General Conference. But I am glad that we were able to record it. Hopefully after tomorrow's make up exam I will be able to sit down and watch some of it.

Sarah and I are closer then ever. I'm honestly so grateful for her. We've had our arguments in the past (and I am sure we will have some more in the future considering we are both passionate people) but I don't think I could have done this without her. She's really something amazing and I always knew that on some level-but now I appreciate it more I guess.

School is almost over-I have next week to study for final exams, then 4 days of finals. Two weeks from tomorrow I have decided that I am going to reward myself with a pedicure and a manicure. Then that following Monday I start my two weeks of rotations. Once that is done I am taking two days off to deep clean my house and my life!

Sometime this summer I am going to go to the temple (if I am ready of course). And of course I'll try to go home and see my family for a little bit, but who knows-maybe I'll just stay here and spend some time with friends and myself. (That sounds like a great plan to me!!)

All I know is this-I am blessed. And my heart is overflowing with gratitude right now for the tender mercies of the Lord.

I expected a backlash to come...I prepared myself mentally...I set up safe reminders to know that I did the right thing. And when the backlash didnt come, I started to release the breath I'd been holding for so long.

That was a mistake.

I should have kept holding my breath. I should have kept myself prepared. Because over the last three days the backlash keeps coming. And its not one simple hit and then its over. No instead it feels like I am tied to two posts and I am being hit from every side. Everytime I start to breath a little lighter...I get slapped back down.

This is what I do know: 8 days ago I made a choice. A choice that had to be made by someone who was willing to face facts. There was something seriously wrong with my roommate. She did not just get a taste of the Holy Spirit...she was not touched by God...she had a manic break down. She went crazy. Despite what anyone tells you, she was mentally ill. So I took the hardest road. I made this decision to take care of her because I loved her. Because I've considered her extended family for these past six years. I've already wrote about how hard this decision was. I've already exhausted those emotions. But now I get a whole new set. Now instead of trying to be concerned with her well being, I've had to make the choice to put me and my future first.

And that choice has now earned me names such as: an overbearing wench, a selfish brat, a person who doesn't have anyone's best interests at heart, an evil whore, and who knows what else.

I'm trying to take this all in stride. I realize that she still isn't in her best frame of mind. I realize that her life is going to be difficult now. I realize that she has a lot to face; a lot of battles to fight. But I cannot be the person to fight them with her at the expense of my schooling and my own life.

And if that makes me selfish, then so be it.


*****
I just read my scriptures and then opened this book I've been slowly reading (its entitled: Better Than You Think You Are-by Ardeth G. Kapp)

There was this quote and it just moved me:
"If we are to be tried in all things, should we not expect some feelings of anxiety when we feel pushed and rushed, with not enough time to do it all?....We must never succumb to the enticings of the adversary to question our worth, our capability, our capacity, and the resources available to us to pass all the tests that really matter. In fact, We can even pass with honors if we will call upon the Lord for help and follow his directions."