The journey just keeps getting better...

I'm in complete awe of the spiritual growth that has occurred over the last few weeks. I've been challenging myself more, demanding more of my study, and really striving to just be all around better. And while I am still so very far from perfect, I love the things that I have already learned and the changes I already find myself making.

I've been on a journey to come closer to Christ for almost a year-through reading the Book of Mormon and seeking Christ out, then reading the New Testament and learning exactly what Christ taught, and finally through climbing my own personal mountains. I just started reading a new book-21 Days Closer to Christ-and the 3rd day challenge is to reflect and remember the events that developed your testimony. I've had so very many that I don't think I could remember them all. But there is one event that keeps sticking out in my mind and I felt the need to write it down, so here goes.

Rewind to my 4th and final year of undergrad. Its in late February, early March. I woke up late for classes and on the way remembered that I was supposed to proctor an exam for the class I was a TA for. When I get to the building, there is no one there and no way for me to get access to the office with the exams. I remember running up and down the hall, freaking out-yelling internally at myself for my stupidity, and eventually crying. In the midst of my tears, I gulped out a 3 word sentence to Heavenly Father. It went something like this: 'Heavenly Father, its been a really bad day. Can you please help me get these tests? And if you can find it in your heart to also let me know whether I got into Pharmacy School, that would be great.'  Just a few short seconds later, someone came around the corner, opened the door and I proctored an exam. I went throughout the rest of my classes and work with not much more reflection on the second part of my plea. On my walk home I was thinking of random things. Along the way, my roommate Stephanie picked me up and tried to ease my bad day. We get home and I check the mail. There in the box is an envelope-a letter from the VCU School of Pharmacy. You can imagine my instant shock and anxiety and elation in finally getting something. The rest, as they say, is history. I got accepted and did 4 grueling years of pharmacy school, graduated, and am now living in Texas completing my 2 year residency.

There was a desire I had-a righteous one. And God answered my simple prayer. It was not something critical, it was not something earth shattering-but it was exactly what I needed to strengthen my faith in that moment. And looking back on it, it has really continued to bless my life.

In institute on Wednesday, Brother Facer read a quote about the righteous desires of our hearts. We were told that if we wrote down blessings we wanted pronounced upon our heads and then lived righteously, they would be fulfilled. I know this is true. Because our Heavenly Father really wants everything that is good and righteous in our lives. He granted my wish and desire to go to a good school, he granted my wish in going to a new place with a new purpose, and I have faith that all other righteous desires I have will sobe fulfilled. What a great knowledge that is.

I'm alive...sorta

I survived my 27th birthday-the world did not end and I am still alive and kicking. I have tons to post about-but since I am old, I must retire to bed. My stories (and pictures) will have to wait for another day.

LOVE!

T-minus 2 days to Friday

I have this fear that at 4pm on Friday, my world will stop. I've been focusing so hard on completing my res-rounds, that I'm not sure there is anything left in life. (I'm being over-dramatic here obviously)

It was very hard for me as a perfectionist, to be verbally critiqued for 2.5 hours with very little positive feedback. So I have worked night and day, writing and editing and rewriting my handout and slides. So much so, that I don't know if I am going to be able to function without this task.

All I know is that come Saturday, when I get off work, I am going to a spa. I'm treating myself to a massage, a facial, and a new hair-do. Saturday will be an 'Amber Day' and if anyone wants to participate, I'll celebrate you too!

COME ON SATURDAY!

Ain't No Spring Chicken

My 27th birthday is right around the corner-one month from today actually. I'm never crazy excited about odd years-they don't excite me. It's probably because I dislike odd numbers so much. And 27 is just sort of a hot mess when it comes to odd numbers. Its 3 nines or even worse nine threes....YUCK.

But despite all of these perfectly rational options, I am excited for a new year of life. I've been reflecting on how grateful I am for all that I have in my life and for all the growth that has occurred over the years. Getting older is amazing, cause each year you learn more about yourself and the world around you (or at least I do).

So here are 27 things that are on my 27th Birthday list (please don't mind the materialistic things-they aren't really things I ever hope to get-its just for fun!)

1st: A trip home with my family (Done!)

2nd: A trip to California to see my PapaBear

3rd: A trip to Richmond to see my people

4th: A visit from Stephy and/or Jessica and/or Heather and/or Chantal (and my babies!)

5th: These adorable cake pops

6-9th: Phone calls from JS, JG, OR, and BM

10th: A date with that cute boy from institute (hey, a girl can dream right?!)

11th: An IPAD

12th: An IPhone

13th: Sushi for dinner

14th: The pearl/bow necklace from Kate Spade =)

15th: A visit from my Mommy and Aunt Stacie (DONE!)

16th: To make a 3-point shot in basketball

17th: New books

18th: A trip to the temple with DF

19th-21st: A phone call from each of my brothers

22nd: A massage

23rd: A new bed

24th: To take a series of cooking classes

25th: A clean home

26th: My dream purse from Kate Spade

27th: A year full of adventures, love, and promise =)

I think thats a spectacular list. Don't judge me.

*4 am and crotchety

Here is a short list of a few things I love (in no particular order):

The Temple

Basketball (and awesome bruises from basketball)

Grandma

PapaBear

My family (crazy bunch of nuts)

My Bed

The smell of lavender

Lemon-flavored treats

My friends

My BEST girl friends (H, S, J, C...you better know who you are...)

These three boys (JS, JG, OR....)

My newest set of girl friends (AR, LB, DF, and LM)

The beach (especially in California)

Italy

Musicals

Clean things (organized and ordered can be thrown in there)

My home (when it is a clean thing)

Here are a few things I don't like (remember, I'm crotchety):

Stupid drivers (I can't escape them...people don't know how to merge...)

People who make really big messes and don't clean them up

Being woke up at 330, when I have to get up at 4

Waking up at 4 in the morning

Being grumpy (I don't like this yucky feeling)

Live in the Moment (or at least attempt to every chance you get)

I feel as though I have been running at warp speed for a few weeks now. Just yesterday I told Jessica that I do this to myself, I run as fast as I can-only to crash for a few moments and then get back up and run again. (I didn't realize in telling her this I would doom myself to a crash the very next day!) This is obviously not a healthy pattern-because during a crash I melt down (and honestly feel like a two year old child in all of my behaviors).

The scriptures clearly state that we are not meant to run faster then we can, but yet I find that some of us have this inherent need to run-to make up for all the areas that we are struggling with. Sometimes I feel like if I just keep myself busy enough, I'll get it right-I won't make these ridiculous mistakes and I might even do enough that makes me feel like I am getting it all right. (A little to honest? sorry.)

So today, after several days of just small things going wrong, I finally hit the break point. As a pharmacist we have to be the final catch all for mistakes-we are responsible for protecting the patient. Today, because I've been running far to fast, I made a mistake that while innocent today, any other day-with any other drug could have hurt the patient. I don't expect myself to be infallible and there are extenuating circumstances-which set the stage. But my thoughts are now reflecting on what I need to do to find the balance.

My co-resident and I were talking (okay, so I was crying) this morning and she says to me, "Amber-you have got this part of you that is so confident in all you do-because you work hard to know what you know and you have confidence in your ability. But then there is another part of you that lets what others say/do unravel your confidence in yourself and your ability. You cannot live your life this way-you have to take that confidence, your light, and hold it up. Especially when you are under pressure. You know who you are-don't let others shake that confidence."

My co-resident is not a member of my church-but I found her words to be exactly what I needed to hear (what I think I have been trying to hear all week). I have been running as fast as possible this week, filling my days up with more then I could ever accomplish to get away from some feelings that have been really eating at me. Feelings that stemmed from comments from another person-feelings that caused me to pull into myself and doubt everything I know about myself. (As a side bar: our institute teacher told us last week that Satan doesn't know our thoughts-so the first initial doubts enter from ourselves. And then through our actions, Satan continues to shake our confidence down.) So essentially, I have taken my confidence in myself (and ultimately in my Heavenly Father) and I doubted-that doubt then was only magnified by the adversary. (Little bugger.)

My point is (yes, I am finally getting there) that Satan doesn't ever attack me in doubting Heavenly Father, but he attacks me in doubting myself. In order to prevent all of this cycle, I have to identify the running, not let others shake me so, and take time to take care of myself. (How we all need to remember that a little time for ourselves is not selfish-but healthy)

I'm loving my life this year. I am working on becoming the person I want to be-the person Heavenly Father wants me to be. But in the process I have to remember to slow down and take it all in.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

Hold your breath...

An update is coming....but for now this is all you get:

ONE PICTURE:

LOVE YOUR LIFE