Ain't No Spring Chicken

My 27th birthday is right around the corner-one month from today actually. I'm never crazy excited about odd years-they don't excite me. It's probably because I dislike odd numbers so much. And 27 is just sort of a hot mess when it comes to odd numbers. Its 3 nines or even worse nine threes....YUCK.

But despite all of these perfectly rational options, I am excited for a new year of life. I've been reflecting on how grateful I am for all that I have in my life and for all the growth that has occurred over the years. Getting older is amazing, cause each year you learn more about yourself and the world around you (or at least I do).

So here are 27 things that are on my 27th Birthday list (please don't mind the materialistic things-they aren't really things I ever hope to get-its just for fun!)

1st: A trip home with my family (Done!)

2nd: A trip to California to see my PapaBear

3rd: A trip to Richmond to see my people

4th: A visit from Stephy and/or Jessica and/or Heather and/or Chantal (and my babies!)

5th: These adorable cake pops

6-9th: Phone calls from JS, JG, OR, and BM

10th: A date with that cute boy from institute (hey, a girl can dream right?!)

11th: An IPAD

12th: An IPhone

13th: Sushi for dinner

14th: The pearl/bow necklace from Kate Spade =)

15th: A visit from my Mommy and Aunt Stacie (DONE!)

16th: To make a 3-point shot in basketball

17th: New books

18th: A trip to the temple with DF

19th-21st: A phone call from each of my brothers

22nd: A massage

23rd: A new bed

24th: To take a series of cooking classes

25th: A clean home

26th: My dream purse from Kate Spade

27th: A year full of adventures, love, and promise =)

I think thats a spectacular list. Don't judge me.

*4 am and crotchety

Here is a short list of a few things I love (in no particular order):

The Temple

Basketball (and awesome bruises from basketball)

Grandma

PapaBear

My family (crazy bunch of nuts)

My Bed

The smell of lavender

Lemon-flavored treats

My friends

My BEST girl friends (H, S, J, C...you better know who you are...)

These three boys (JS, JG, OR....)

My newest set of girl friends (AR, LB, DF, and LM)

The beach (especially in California)

Italy

Musicals

Clean things (organized and ordered can be thrown in there)

My home (when it is a clean thing)

Here are a few things I don't like (remember, I'm crotchety):

Stupid drivers (I can't escape them...people don't know how to merge...)

People who make really big messes and don't clean them up

Being woke up at 330, when I have to get up at 4

Waking up at 4 in the morning

Being grumpy (I don't like this yucky feeling)

Live in the Moment (or at least attempt to every chance you get)

I feel as though I have been running at warp speed for a few weeks now. Just yesterday I told Jessica that I do this to myself, I run as fast as I can-only to crash for a few moments and then get back up and run again. (I didn't realize in telling her this I would doom myself to a crash the very next day!) This is obviously not a healthy pattern-because during a crash I melt down (and honestly feel like a two year old child in all of my behaviors).

The scriptures clearly state that we are not meant to run faster then we can, but yet I find that some of us have this inherent need to run-to make up for all the areas that we are struggling with. Sometimes I feel like if I just keep myself busy enough, I'll get it right-I won't make these ridiculous mistakes and I might even do enough that makes me feel like I am getting it all right. (A little to honest? sorry.)

So today, after several days of just small things going wrong, I finally hit the break point. As a pharmacist we have to be the final catch all for mistakes-we are responsible for protecting the patient. Today, because I've been running far to fast, I made a mistake that while innocent today, any other day-with any other drug could have hurt the patient. I don't expect myself to be infallible and there are extenuating circumstances-which set the stage. But my thoughts are now reflecting on what I need to do to find the balance.

My co-resident and I were talking (okay, so I was crying) this morning and she says to me, "Amber-you have got this part of you that is so confident in all you do-because you work hard to know what you know and you have confidence in your ability. But then there is another part of you that lets what others say/do unravel your confidence in yourself and your ability. You cannot live your life this way-you have to take that confidence, your light, and hold it up. Especially when you are under pressure. You know who you are-don't let others shake that confidence."

My co-resident is not a member of my church-but I found her words to be exactly what I needed to hear (what I think I have been trying to hear all week). I have been running as fast as possible this week, filling my days up with more then I could ever accomplish to get away from some feelings that have been really eating at me. Feelings that stemmed from comments from another person-feelings that caused me to pull into myself and doubt everything I know about myself. (As a side bar: our institute teacher told us last week that Satan doesn't know our thoughts-so the first initial doubts enter from ourselves. And then through our actions, Satan continues to shake our confidence down.) So essentially, I have taken my confidence in myself (and ultimately in my Heavenly Father) and I doubted-that doubt then was only magnified by the adversary. (Little bugger.)

My point is (yes, I am finally getting there) that Satan doesn't ever attack me in doubting Heavenly Father, but he attacks me in doubting myself. In order to prevent all of this cycle, I have to identify the running, not let others shake me so, and take time to take care of myself. (How we all need to remember that a little time for ourselves is not selfish-but healthy)

I'm loving my life this year. I am working on becoming the person I want to be-the person Heavenly Father wants me to be. But in the process I have to remember to slow down and take it all in.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

Hold your breath...

An update is coming....but for now this is all you get:

ONE PICTURE:

LOVE YOUR LIFE

Sing It and Sing It LOUD!

2. Stand-Rascal Flatts

This song describes my personality-my survival-in every way. Its not necessarily the best song I have ever heard. But it reminds me of how important it is to get back up when you get knocked down.

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you

1. Be Still My Soul

My absolute favorite hymn. And a constant reminder that God has everything (EVERYTHING) under control. There might be times that the storm rages around me, but I have to remember that 'winds and waves shall obey' His command.

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Paradise City

3. Ever After

"You look like a Girl!" "That's What I Am HALF-WIT!" "Yes, but today you look it!" "Boy or Girl, I can still whoop you."

I watched this movie in the theatre with my Grandma June and I remember the awe I felt when watching this movie. I love that she is strong, that she is willing to fight; I love that she is passionate about her life, that she takes care of the people who take care of her. I loved that Da Vinci didn't change her, but instead pointed out her beauty. Cause isn't that true about all of us? We are already beautiful, we just need to know it.

"Breathe. Just Breathe."

2. BBC Versions of Jane Austen

I have to condense these into one-because I love them all the same. I love Sense and Sensibility, I love Emma, I love Pride and Prejudice. I watch them on repeat and never get sick of them!

Besides, how can you not rank Mr. Darcy?! Oh, Mr. Darcy, how I love thee.

1. Empire Records

Yes. I know. Judge away. Its a B-rate movie (maybe even C-rate). But Ethan Embry is ADORABLE. And I really love how ridiculous each character is-they make me laugh.

So even though its probably making you cringe, Empire Records is definitely one of my favorite movies.

Unveiling of this year's theme!!!!

As always this theme has been months in the making. I have sat pondering the growth that occurred from 'making the choice to become' and figuring out where I need to go from there. My theme this year is a little confusing, because there are so many parts to it. (Like I said, this was a long time in the making and there were many talks/experiences that influenced it.)

So without any more delay, here is the quote that inspired the majority of my theme this year:

"Meekness, however, is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control."

-Neal A. Maxwell

What I want to do is break apart this quote and really explain the role it will have over the next year. (Brace yourself, this will probably be a very long post!)

1st: The presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness

I remember sitting in the chapel listening to President Uchdorft's "Forget-me-not" talk. I heard him state, "Just think of it: you are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the king of infinite space and everlasting time! He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name--you are the daughters of His kingdom." It was at that moment that personal revelation overwhelmed me and my heart filled with the warmth you feel when sitting in the sunlight. I spent the last year coming to know that King! I sought Him out and found that just as the scriptures say, He was there with open arms, waiting to enfold me in His embrace.In that moment, I felt a moment of joy that can only be described as 'going home'.

I found this beautiful component of kindness and gentleness to be something I need more for myself-because after all, I am a daughter of a King. How very important it is for me to treat myself with love and respect.

And then carry that love, respect, kindness, and gentleness to all those around me. How very important it is that each of us knows that God knows us and numbers us among the stars. This is an additional thing I think of when I read presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. Everyone has struggles, everyone has their own demons and challenges; EVERYONE needs a little more kindness and gentleness. And for some reason, Heavenly Father has given me a gift of being able to love-to see a person as an individual. And now, I want to really work on loving as he does. I want to see the worth of souls and help them to feel God's love for them. I want to serve from the bottom of my heart and give myself completely to following Christ's teachings.

2nd: reflecting certitude, strength, serenity

The dictionary defines certitude as 'absolute certainty or conviction that something is the case; something that someone firmly believes is true'. Make no mistake about my conviction about this Gospel. My testimony burns so brightly that it overwhelms my soul sometimes. I think about how grateful I am for all the many challenges that have caused this testimony to burn. In reflecting over the past year, I think of all the many tender mercies that came as I have made the choice to seek out Christ-to involve Him in my life's choices. And from that conviction comes an inner strength that is indescribable. I have accomplished so very much in my short life. And I know that there is no possible way I could have done any of it without the tender mercies of God.

I want to continue this pattern, of involving my Father in Heaven in my life, with consistency-to really reflect certitude and strength. And then with this, find that inner peace-the serenity-that comes with really knowing God and understanding the plan that he has for me as an individual and all of us as a collective group.

I was talking with my new roommate the other night and we were discussing how God is ALWAYS there in the details. That we have free will-we get to make a choice-but that the second we choose the better part, God takes over. He gives us the choice, but he helps to control the outcome in our lives as much as we allow Him. There is serenity in this concept that I want to find-a great strength in knowing God on that level. I want to dedicate this year to knowing my Savior on this level.

3rd: a healthy self-esteem and self-control

And now the area I struggle with so much. I know with a surety that my Savior loves me, that I am a daughter of God. But yet somehow, I forget that I am precious. I forget my value and I let the world around me tear me down. I find that when these attacks come, my self-control slips little by little. I don't want this for my life any more! I want to learn meekness so that I can have better self-control.

There is a wonderful talk from Sister Holland, 'Becoming Woman of Greater Faith', in this talk Sister Holland states: 'Have the courage to be imperfect on the road to perfection." Self-control is like a muscle-it requires constant use to build up its strength. And when we lack self control, Satan has complete control over our path in life. Elder Holland has reminded me, "The only real control in this life, is self-control." This is my goal for this year. To love myself a little more, to remember that I am not forgotten, and to consistently 'flex' my self-control.

In President Uchtdorf's conference talk, he stated: "God loves the meek and the humble". I don't fully understand meekness, but I hope by the end of this year I will know it a little more and that I will be able to reach down within myself to develop this trait. That through my goals and direction I will be able to consistently align my life with Christ's teachings and dedicate myself to serenity.

And now time for the GOALS

1. Read the New Testament-Learn more of Christ's ministry and how to apply those teachings to my own life

2. Seek out opportunities to serve (and serve in the right way, without expecting blessings, but instead for the betterment of others)

3. Consistently make the choice (my theme last year can't just be forgotten! Instead I have to consistently do it!)

4. Pay off some of my debt (starting with the small things and working to the big ones!)

5. Get published! (with my first manuscript)

6. Run a half-marathon (gotta do it this year...I ain't no spring chicken)

7. Make a trip to VA (Hopefully in the Fall with Grace! And to see my all my favorites, including my BEST friend. Cause I miss her like crazy-and maybe convince her to finally come to Texas *hint,hint*)

8. Be Healthier (Exercising, simplifying my diet, and loving myself every day)

9. Read 25 books

10. Go to the Temple 2x a month

11. Less media, more time choosing the 'better part'

12. Meet Heather's baby (my new little munchkin to spoil! I think I'm going to call him/her a giraffe!)

There's a lot there-but I can do this. I can master myself and make these steps. I am so excited for this year-27 will be a year to beat!