This is all I have to say today...

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It's nine o'clock on a Friday, the kids are in bed, and all I want to do is sleep!

Wow. Being a Mom is hard work-so here is a shout out to all you amazing mom's in my life. I don't know how you do it everyday!

I've had an amazing day today. First I got to go to the Temple for my friend, Ashley Burton's, endowment session. She was absolutely stunning in her white temple clothes. It was such a special experience for me. First, because I got to be there to celebrate this joyous occasion with my friend. Second, because it brought back sweet memories of my own endowment. And third, because I didn't get the answers I wanted-I got the answers I needed.

I got a very personal, tender rebuking today-followed by such intense love and direction. I just wanted to share these few things I learned today about opening your heart when it has hardened and the steps we need to take to gain deeper love for those around us (I'm cutting from Doctrine and Covenants Section 124-in the way that I read them and needed to hear them):

"I say unto you, blessed is my servant Hyrum Smith; for I, the Lord, love him because of the integrity of his heart, and because he loveth that which is right before me, saith the Lord... his reward shall not fail if he receive counsel...his love he shall be great, for he shall be mine if he do this, saith the Lord. I have seen the work which he hath done, which I accept if he continue, and will crown him with blessings and great glory....continue in preaching for Zion, in the spirit of meekness, confessing me before the world; and I will bear him up as on eagles wings; and he shall beget glory and honor to himself and unto my name.... my servant...is without guile; he may be trusted because of the integrity of his heart; and for the love which he has to my testimony I, the Lord, love him."

After the temple, I drove back to Richmond and started weekend of nannying for Chantal and Jimmy. They have not gone away together since Ava was born (she will be seven in 16 days!)! So I finally convinced them to hit the road for a weekend. I picked up the two little ones and then we picked up Ava from school. We played at the park, then stopped to visit Ajax, then picked up dinner and came home. After dinner, we had bath time and then snuggled down for a movie. The girls talked to their Mom and then brushed their teeth. Ava and Lizzy are now snuggled on the couch, Mia is in bed, and I am exhausted! Like I said before, being a mom is hard work and I admire you guys!

Phone Calls from a Best Friend

I'm really grateful for my best friend. I'm grateful we can pick up the phone when we are struggling and not have to say ten words before all the thoughts and feelings are out and understood. There is no criticism, no guilty feelings-just an understanding that surpasses everything and anything.

I love thinking that I need to call and dump everything on her-and then when she picks up the phone, I can hear the desperation in her voice and know she needs me more in that moment. And then, as I let her drain out the mess that has built up, I am humbled by how well I know her exact feelings and how because of my own struggles-I can say the words she needs to hear and the words she wants to hear.

And then we laugh, because we both know we need to talk more-but life always gets in the way. So then we laugh/cry at how grateful we both are to have that other person who will pick up the phone and call to complain, who instead becomes the listener, and in the process we both feel better.

So you see, just when I think I'm going to break from it all-I get a phone call from my best friend that reminds me that everyone is struggling and needs a little love.

The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal...

...the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment. ~Earl Nightengale

I'm done. I did it. I made it through pharmacy school. I remember my first day of school. I got up super early, pulled out my best casual dress clothes and my new white coat. I loaded up my backpack and smiled when I saw the note from Stephanie. Then I opened my front door and set out to conquer my goal.

And now, in less then one month, I will graduate with my Doctorate of Pharmacy.

It seems almost surreal-especially with all the changes that my life is about to undertake. I'm setting out again, forging away from the place I have called home for 8 years and moving forward with what is in store for my life. My skin prickles at the thought of moving and my heart sinks a little lower in my chest-but I know that this is what I am supposed to do, that this is where I am supposed to go.

I've been home for three days now. Its been a mixture of emotions and after an especially rough night of hurts and tears, I'm ready to put my best foot forward and take care of myself for a little bit. I started this morning with an amazing run and then started my Insanity program. 60 days to start looking great and feeling even better. (I wanted to puke my guts out-so hopefully it gets easier!)

I've also snagged some amazing babysitting jobs to earn extra money-thank goodness for answered prayers. And then there is that whole thing of studying for my boards-yay. But all in all, I'm ready to just enjoy my time off and celebrate in my awesome achievement.

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes

You can steer yourself

any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the girl who'll decide where to go.

I am ridiculously happy right now...

Words cannot express how excited I am to go home on Wednesday. The drive is going to be long and a little scary on my own-but I'm going home.

I am extremely grateful for the friends who have shown such love and support over these five weeks. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to go to church today and partake of the sacrament. It is such a blessing to be able to renew those covenants. I am so grateful for a testimony that fuels my life and helps me become a better person.

I am also excited about the plans I have for Sunday night and to be with people who make me so happy. (Hooray for resuming my favorite Sunday night chats with one of my favorite people!)

Changes of Attitude

I am ridiculously homesick. Maybe its the cabin fever talking (we have been cooped up in a hotel room for two days due to the mass amounts of snow Flagstaff received) or maybe its cause difficult topics came up today-but I just want to be home.

I miss the ability to just talk to my roommate. I miss my cat. I miss my girlfriends. I miss hugs from Jordan that fix everything. I'm just homesick.

****

I decided to turn it around today-to have a better attitude then I did yesterday. And for the most part I had fun. Until tonight, when Holly and Nick took their joking a little to far and my cracked emotions burst through EVERYTHING. I sat in the hotel bathroom with a cold towel-trying not to sob to loudly. It was absolutely embarrassing to know that they knew I was crying.

But as always, Heavenly Father sent a tender mercy. A phone call that I have desperately wanted since I left Virginia, finally came-tonight-when I needed it most of all. And now in the aftermath of all those tears and then that call-I realize why this trip has been so hard on me. I've missed church every Sunday, I missed conference because we were traveling, I've done okay with my scripture reading (but just okay-and definitely not daily). I am really really grateful, that despite all my failures to recognize my Father in Heaven-my Heavenly Father still recognizes me and pours out his love upon me just when I need it most. I'm grateful for a phone call that lifted my sorrows and helped me to laugh. I'm also grateful that the phone call helped me see some of my selfishness and put other people's lives into perspective.

9 days until I leave for HOME. 9 days of better and best choices for the rest of this trip.

The Adventures Just Keep Getting CRAZIER!!!

*It needs to be clarified that as I am writing this post, I am laughing so hard that I have tears running down my face. I do not know how I get into these situations, but they sure do make life fun!*

Yesterday afternoon marked the beginning of the last 4 day weekend-only a two day weekend left before I get to come home! We had made this elaborate adventure plan that involved driving to Flagstaff, AZ last night and then hiking for two days in the Grand Canyon. However we hit two major snags-the first being that mother nature decided snow/rain/wind was a great option for this weekend and the second being that the federal government couldn't get their stuff together and the parks will probably close. With all of that to consider, we still decided to hit the road after our day in Red Mesa at another Indian Clinic. And this is where our story begins...

Red Mesa is a clinic about an hour west of Shiprock-its a smaller facility that is only open 8-6 and has an outpatient pharmacy. We went to see the facility and to just experience the cite for one day. We got there around 8:30 in the morning and were greeted by our temporary preceptor, Muhammad. Muhammad was from Syria and had the attention span of a dog-no seriously, remember the dog from Up: Hi My Name is...Ball...Bird...(I hope you get the point) Anyways, Muhammad made us laugh throughout the whole day with his ADD/mannerisms. At the end of the day we had to give our presentations and this is when things got interesting. I'm not sure quite how, but I think my preceptor asked me to take his wife back to Shiprock and then come back to Red Mesa to run away with him...I laughed until I had tears streaming down my face-it was just ridiculous!

After we finished at the clinic, we hit the road for Flagstaff. We stopped at an Anasazi cafe on the way and had dinner. I ate an amazing Navajo taco-it was better then Grandma's! We got to our hotel in Flagstaff around 830pm and although I was exhausted, we decided to go out since it was our first night off in a while. The night started at a double-decker wine bar. Holly and Nick shared a bottle of wine and I drank an old fashioned black cherry soda. We played scrabble and reminded ourselves that even on our nights off we are still ridiculously nerdy. From the wine bar we decided to check out this bar in an old hotel that had been mentioned by several people. IT WAS HILARIOUS. We get to this bar and its a karaoke night-drunken people singing in their 'best voices' to woo someone into going home with them at the end of the night. "It was like a bad car wreck-you just couldn't pull your eyes away," was Holly's sentiment on the whole situation. After about an hour at the karaoke bar, we decided to progress to another pub down the street.

It was at this pub that we met my new friend Steven. Steven is a mexican-american hippie who plays the trumpet and the ukulele. He has been in Flagstaff for 11 years and was very friendly. He told me about the ukulele and then proceeded to invite us outside for an impromptu jam session. I have video of some of the songs he played-it was pretty freaking stellar. Steven convinced us all to go back to the karaoke bar and listen to him sing some more-so we went. At the end of the night, right before last call, we got up and sang 'Standing Outside the Fire' and then politely told Steven he couldn't come back to the hotel with us and then left. Holly and Nick decided they were starving (which apparently happens when you drink a lot) so I drove them to get food.

As we were leaving McDonalds (at 230 in the morning), I realized that we were lost and that I was turning onto the wrong street-so I stopped turning and pulled back into the normal traffic lane. The next thing I knew there were red and blue lights flashing behind me. I panicked-I CANNOT GET ANOTHER TICKET.

So the cop comes up to the window and asks how we are doing. I politely respond that we are from out of town, that we are lost, and that I have two drunk people who I am trying to get back to a hotel. He responds with, "I know, I can smell the alcohol out here. Have you been drinking?" Holly shouts from the passenger seat, "Nope! It was all Us! She is completely sober! She is Mormon!" I apologize to the officer at the state of these two yahoos and he says, "Nothing to be sorry about, but if you don't mind can you please step out of the car."

HOLY CRAP MY PANTS MOMENT! Get out of the car?! But I haven't been drinking! Of course, I have to listen so I get out of the car and walk over to the sidewalk with the officer. "I just had to get you away from the other's so that I could smell you and make sure you weren't drinking." (WHAT A RANDOM STATEMENT THAT WAS?!-Oh I forgot to mention, this officer was about my age and drop dead GORGEOUS)

Again I explain to him why we are in Flagstaff and mention where we are from-"VCU, you know the final four?!" "No idea what you are talking about" "Oh." Silence.

"Well, Amber I'm going to need you to go sit back in your car while I run your licenses and make sure you haven't committed murder or anything." "Ok."

I get back into the car-where the two yahoos are laughing to the point of tears. I start laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation is and cannot stop. Tears are streaming down my face and I'm just completely floored. NEVER have I ever been asked to 'step out of the car.'

Anyways, Officer N comes back to the window, tries to joke that Nick's car is stolen and then gives us directions to our hotel. We make it to the hotel where we all collapse into fits of laughter over the whole day. Finally around 430am, the laughter died and we fell back asleep.

Now all I can think is: 'What else can we get ourselves into this weekend?!'