I feel like I let someone down. I can't shake how awful I feel about the whole situation. I want to talk to this person...to somehow set it right. But I also know that they need their space and that when they are ready to deal they will let me know.

But that is hard for me. I want to fix it...to deal with it. I really care about this person; I value their friendship and presence in my life.

Somehow something went wrong and both of us were let down. And I hate this waiting game.

Where Oh Where Do You Start When the World Looks So Amazing from Every Perspective?!

"When you set your sights on the temple, EVERYTHING else falls into it's proper place. It may not be the way you want it to be, but it will turn out the way it is supposed to turn out."

This weekend was a tumultuous ride to say the least. I've been back home from my trip to the west for almost a week now and I have had a very hard time coming down from all the stress (be it the prior preparation stress, the stress while there, the stress of leaving on good terms, and the overall stresses involved with coming back home). There have been a lot of things weighing down on me mentally which has made it difficult to sleep at night. By Friday, I had had it. I spent the entire day being anti-social and avoiding all people. There were people I was supposed to call but couldn't bring myself to do it.

Saturday I worked all day and then went to hang out with the Brow. We had an awesome time (at least I did) being girlie and painting our nails. Then we made the decision to go see the movie My Sister's Keeper (we had both read the book and really wanted to see the movie)...we were also both greatly disappointed in the ending...but that's not important. After the movie, we ended up sitting in my car in her driveway talking. For some reason the Brow and I enjoy having deep meaningful conversations in the car. Anyways, we talked about a lot of important stuff through the evening and it left me with lots to think about...

By Sunday morning I was crawling out of my skin. I knew that I couldn't avoid these issues anymore. It wasn't an option. But what I didn't understand was why it was so hard for me. At church, the sacrament talks were right on point. They were so amazing and the spirit was so strong. After sacrament I snagged the Bishop for a very important conversation-when that was over I was on a spiritual HIGH! Church continued and it was wonderful. My roommates and I came home and had TONS of people over to eat Breakfast and play games. After everyone had gone home for the night, I got a phone call. It was one of the people I was avoiding. It was one of the conversations I didn't want to have....but I couldn't avoid it any longer.

So I had the conversation. And this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Even better, we both understood one another and finally let go of all the hurts. It was exactly what I needed to end my amazing day.

I am so blessed. I am so grateful to be in this gospel. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have, but even more so for the eternal perspective my Father in Heaven holds. I am grateful for Sundays, for their restorative effect. I am grateful for two wonderful roommates who uplift and support me-who literally bring me joy. I am grateful for more then I can express right now. And I am overwhelmed with love for not only my Father, but everyone in my life. I'm excited that I set my date. I am ready. And even though challenges will arise over the next month to deter me...I will make it through.

"Country Roads Take Me Home"

To the place I belong! Wow. So I've been back a few days recuperating from my amazing trip home. I am very surprised at how wonderful it really was, but then I shouldn't be because I went home very prepared (thanks to those who helped on Monday night).

I have Tons of pictures so I will update this post with them in the morning! But for now...sleep!

Just Thinking Outloud

It's just another simple
Voicemail message
I'll pick you up and we'll do
Dinner by the fire
And we'll just watch it snow
It's from a year ago
Baby, I love you
And I can't wait to see you tonight
I've been thinking about you
All day long
She pushes nine to save
But still can't erase 'cause --

[Chorus]
It makes her feel close
Makes her smile
It's like he's with her almost
Til the tears take over
She's still in hell
But she tells herself
She's ready to let him go
'Cause that makes her feel close

It's just a worn out
Notre Dame t-shirt
She's gotten mad
And tried to throw that thing away
At least a hundred times
But she's got it on tonight
He used to wear it on the weekend
Just runnin' around
Probably forgot he even left it
behind
She says it keeps her warm
Oh, but it's so much more

[Chorus]
It makes her feel close
Makes her smile
It's like he's with her almost
Til the tears take over
She's still in hell
But she tells herself
She's ready to let him go
'Cause that makes her feel close

I'm going home tomorrow....AGH!!

Here are some pictures from our trip to the zoo!

When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

My friend Katie sent me this awesome email, it was a list of 13 things you could try to release stress...the tag line just stuck out to me. (I'm taking my girls to the zoo on Friday and as I was reading it I had the mental image of Sarah and I running holding the girls and screaming...I literally burst up laughing outloud)

It's been a really amazing day and nothing significant has happened. But my heart is full of love and I just feel at peace. I spent the morning working on tasks for my Regional Calling, my Compassionate Services Calling, and working on my research. Then I went to work at Walgreens (where only two people smiled...seriously). On my way home I called and talked to my brother.


Words can not express how grateful I am for this new chapter in our relationship. I've always wanted to be close with my siblings and for various reasons over the years it just never worked out. But now that Adrian is 18 and more mature, we talk and have these awesome conversations. He even took 2 days off from work so that he could spend time with me when I get home next week! I'm excited to be going home, but as always there is a feeling of caution and unease. Hopefully it will be an exciting trip and we will be able to make some good memories. If nothing else, my brother and I will steal one of the cars and hit the road on our own!

Yesterday was also beautiful. I love good Sundays. I mean Sundays are always good, but yesterday was one of those Sundays that leaves you feeling good for the rest of the week. I did the early morning snuggle fest with my roomies (we lie in bed and talk about silly stuff), then we all helped eachother pick out cute outfits for church! (I know I keep saying it...but I love our new house and the new roommate to death) Sacrament was really moving, there were only two speakers but the lessons were about obedience and the happiness that comes with it. Then the lesson in D&C was fantastic. By relief society, I was overwhelmed with the spirit. The lesson in relief society was beautiful. We talked about temple ordinances (specifically the work for the dead) and my heart overflowed because someday (very soon) I will get to do those ordinances for my Grandma. (Wasn't she silly? Man I miss her every day)


After an emotional relief society, I went to my Regional meeting, and then Joseph, Isaac, Sarah, Stephanie, and I made dinner and watched Anastasia. I love ending Sundays surrounded by people I love. I hope I never grow out of that. Honestly, I hope that my life will be filled with people I love. I think that is why today was so peaceful and beautiful. Because in the end it doesn't matter what I accomplish if I don't love first. "The more you care, the stronger you can be."

And if that doesn't work out...I guess I'll have to leave the zoo running and screaming ;)

Boys and Kittens are SILLY

I spent last night hanging out with some friends from church. We played games and shot some pool and it was tons of fun. People trickled out all through the night until there was only me and three guys left. For almost 3 hours I played pool with three of the silliest boys EVER...my sides still hurt from all the laughing. Classic silliness: Brad knocking the wall and dropping everything off the shelf (breaking some poor helpless bird figurine) and Jordan winning EVERY game (until the end when Joseph finally won) and finally Joseph's commentary on my shots. It was tons of fun...but I am super tired (no more late nights for this girl...yeah right)

So then this morning I wake up to talk to my new roommate (who I absolutely love-seriously she is a complete breath of fresh air in my life). Here the two of us were, sitting on the floor talking about even more silliness of boys, ie. the fact that they like you for EVER, but never tell you cause they are scared (only to find out when they do finally admit it-you have liked them all along) I told Vanilla (the new roommates nickname) that I just wish the boy could come up and say, "Hey! I like you...You like me? Great!" Wouldn't that make dating so much easier?! (Maybe instead of waiting on the boy I like I should do that...yeah right)

So anyways here we are sitting on the floor and my silly Sassy (who absolutely loves the new house) comes over to play. Vanilla and I decide to give her catnip...It was hilarious. We put the catnip in the lid of the container-which then ended up on Sassy's head...it was awesome.

So anyways...I have a lot of stuff that I could write about-but honestly I just want to keep it silly because life needs silliness sometimes.

Pictures of Sassy...look how much she has grown! Silly Boys and silly kittens....




**Here is a video of another silly boy...I wanted to put it on facebook but I am afraid he will get really mad...so I'm putting it here instead...