Looking Outward

I was listening to President Holland's CES address this morning as I got ready for work and I had to stop the talk several times and write down thoughts. (My poor bathroom mirror is running out of room for these thoughts of mine) As the talk was finishing, I was overwhelmed with a desire to stay immersed in this moment of study and reflection. So, since I didn't have to be anywhere this morning, I decided to not rush out the door for work and instead picked up another talk by Elder Bednar that I've been wanting to read for a while. The talk, Developing Christlike Characteristics, was one Brother Facer quoted last week in our institute class.  (what follows are my thoughts about these two talks)

Character: the sum of the moral and mental qualities which distinguishes an individual. 

"Perhaps the greatest indicator of character is the capacity to recognize and appropriately respond to other people who are experiencing the very challenge or adversity that is most immediately and forcefully pressing upon us. Character is revealed, for example, in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. Thus, character is demonstrated by looking and reaching outward when the natural and instinctive response is to be self-absorbed and turn inward. If such a capacity is indeed the ultimate criterion of moral character, then the Savior of the world is the perfect example of such a consistent and charitable character."

• Thought #1: I can name countless people  whose character is manifested in their ability to turn outward. In fact if I think about my closest friends/family members or the people who inspire me most, they all have this trait/ability. Maybe not consistently-but enough to set an example. And I think it is their character that draws me to them-that challenges me to be the best version of myself. 
• Thought #2: I think I am drawn to people that emulate this paragraph because of that challenge to improve. I recognize completely that I have a long way to go and a lot to improve upon before I could ever measure up to the amazing people I surround myself with. 
• Thought #3: If the greatest indicator of character is my capacity to recognize and appropriately respond to other people who are experiencing the same challenges or adversity that I am...well then I've got a lot to improve upon cause my character in some of those situations is definitely weak. 
• Thought #4: My heart cannot contain the gratitude I feel for the atonement-for the ability to be able to repent and try again. I think of all the many ways in which I get it wrong before I finally get it right and I can't imagine how horrible it would be if I only had one chance. If all of us only had one chance-its humbling to be able to know and testify of the power of the atonement. To understand and recognize that it covers EVERYTHING. (And while I may never get it completely right, at least I have the opportunity to try)

'The Lord determines if and when we receive all spiritual gifts, but we must do all in our power to desire and yearn and invite and qualify for such gifts. As we increasingly act in a manner congruent with the character of Christ, then perhaps we are indicating to heaven in a most powerful manner our desire for the supernal spiritual gift of charity. And clearly we are being blessed with this marvelous gift as we increasingly reach outward when the natural man or woman in us would typically turn inward.' 

• Thought #5: I love this quote-much like I love the one from my previous entry. Because I love it when I know what it is that I am supposed to do-when I know how I am to act. (In fact some of the hardest moments of my life are when I have to just wait patiently-because instead I would rather be doing something) And I find it very interesting that as I have fought with this concept of waiting patiently for things to be revealed and for the pathway to become illuminated, I haven't understood what I was to do and instead I became frustrated over my perceived inability to be able to do something. And yet as I studied this morning, the answer was right there in front of my face (its probably been there the entire time...). I have the desire and I'm definitely yearning and inviting the opportunities, but I am not quite so sure that I have qualified myself completely for such gifts. And perhaps my next step is to focus outward instead of inward. 
• Thought #6 (the final thought): Like Elder Holland, when the Savior comes, "I so want to be caught living the gospel. I want to be surprised right in the act of spreading the faith and doing something good, if I can. I want the Savior to say to me '(Amber) I recognize you not by your title, but by your life the way you're trying to live and the standards you are trying to defend. I see the integrity of your heart. I know you tried to make things better-first and foremost by being better yourself and then by declaring my word and defending my gospel to others in the most compassionate way you could. I know you weren't always successful,' he will most certainly say, 'with your own sins or the circumstances of others-but I believe you honestly tried. I believe in your heart you truly loved me.'"