I've slowly been preparing for residency applications, trying to pick a school/program that will best fit me and my goals in my career. At the beginning, I had every intention of heading FAR west-to California or Washington State. But then a professor told me about a program in Texas, an opportunity to study under one of the Nation's top professors. My interest was only slightly peaked, but I was sure that California was where I wanted to go.

But after further research into the program and after many prayers and visits to the temple, I started to feel pulled to Texas. So I emailed the director of the program, just to get a feeling for the school and the people who will become my instructors. Slowly, but surely, Texas became my number one choice.

I can't explain how this happens, but it is similar to how I gained my testimony. These experiences are never earth shattering, there are no voices or visions; instead, it is the quiet calm that occurs within my heart. It is this peace and assurance that this is where I am supposed to go. I followed this prompting when moving to Virginia and I know without a doubt that this was where I was supposed to grow and strengthen my foundation.

If you were to ask, "Are you nervous? Do you have doubts?" I would respond with a resounding 'YES!' I am terrified about packing up and moving to a new state. I am terrified about making all new friends and starting over in a new city. I have doubts that I will get accepted. But I do not have doubts in my Father in Heaven. I do not feel he will lead me astray. I know that I must do all I can do to prepare and then I have to let the pieces fall as they may.

Anyways, the reason I felt inspired to write this post today was because of what my reading found this morning. I was sitting at the kitchen table, reading in the Special Temple Edition of the Ensign, and as I turned the page, the most beautiful picture of a celestial room caught my eye. I stopped and marveled at how stunning the room looked. And then I read the caption. The celestial room pictured was from the temple in San Antonio, Texas.

Tears flooded my eyes and I sat in awe of the beauty of small, subtle promptings in my life. Do I know for sure that I will end up in Texas? No. Of course I don't. Only the Lord can truly know that answer. But I do find greater peace in my decision to apply to this residency. And more importantly, my love for my Father in Heaven was increased-because he knows who I am and everything about me. Its such a wonderful knowledge-to have a testimony of this gospel and to have faith in the Savior.

Epic...

Most people won't find this epic...but I do....


NEXT FRIDAY I WILL BE 5/9 OF THE WAY DONE WITH PHARMACY SCHOOL ROTATIONS!!!!!!!


That means only 4 more rotations between me and graduation. Pretty Epic if you ask me.

Seems I was walking in the wrong direction I barely recognized my own reflection

I feel like Me again. I feel comfortable in my skin. And I am proud of who I am and the accomplishments I have.

It may seem like this is coming out of left field, but I assure you it is not. I had an amazing night out with a friend. We literally sat there and just talked for hours. I can't tell you how much I actually needed that. (No offense to my roommate/best friend who listens to me all the time-she is one of the best listeners ever) I just needed to sit down with someone else and just converse like an adult.

I've felt like screaming for quite some time now, because I knew that I just needed to talk-to someone, to anyone. And tonight, FINALLY, I did. We talked about the past year; the steps and the trials, the mistakes and the triumphs, the sadness and the joy. It was therapeutic, it was cleansing, it was exactly what I needed. For almost 4 hours we sat and just talked about nothing, about everything, and all the silly things in between.

A lot has transpired since I took out my endowments. I had some steps backwards, but I really don't think I should call them that-because they sprung me forward and helped me grow. I'm content with myself, I recognize myself, and as far as I can tell I'm walking in the right direction.

After almost 3 years of pokes and prods from the Spirit, I have finally listened.

Tonight, I printed the necessary paper to take to the temple so I can finally do my Beautiful Grandma's work.

I miss her so much it hurts. I can't explain to anyone the kind of woman she was, because in order to understand her-you just had to know her. There was a light that beamed from her. I swear when the doctors opened her chest, they were blinded by the light that shined from her heart. So sometime next month, I will stand in as proxy to be baptized and confirmed and then to receive her initiatory and endowment. I can't breathe when I think about it, I clam up and am overwhelmed with emotions. But I know this is what she wants and I know she has been patiently waiting for me to do her work.

So tonight is for my beautiful Grandma June-the world lost one of its brightest and heaven gained one of the best when you left this world.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I really need it.

President Monson spoke of gratitude this past conference. I love listening to a Prophet's voice. So tonight, when I should be sleeping, I have decided to speak of the gratitude I have for my best/closest friends.

For My Grandmother: who is always a shining star in my life, who has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, who has never failed me and who never will. If I could be more like anyone in this world, I would take all her best qualities, keep my sas, and be a remarkably witty and beautiful woman (inside and out)
“The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart.”

For my high school best friend (and my soul mate-even though you are now married): who has always had faith in me, who taught me about the Gospel and what it truly means to live it, who's life matches my own-through trials, through joy, and through time. Who was the first person to call me out and stick around, who loves my family like her own (even if they drive her crazy). I know we were hand crafted as friends, because 'I am you, and you are me'
“Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.”


For my adult best friend: Nobody fights better then us, but it works because I am constantly challenged to be a better person, no one has had more of an impact then you on my spiritual growth, no one has pushed me as hard, but helped me up along the way. There is something very special about finding a friend through the spirit-sometimes it seems as though my spirit knows you best. Your strength and testimony are beautiful. And yes, you are amazing. What I love most is that you teach me I'm amazing too.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”


For my closest friends (and you better know who you are because saturday morning yoga and brunch would never be the same without you): Thank you for love, laughter, and life. I couldn't imagine closer sisters then you.
“I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.”

What Can I Say?

Today was a day. I have lots of thoughts, from Sunday through today, but as I try to convey them out of my brain and into my blog-I have a block. Guess that means it will have to wait.

The truth is I can't put the words down, until I sort it out. And I don't see that happening anytime soon. All I know is that I tried and now I'm stuck. Probably should be better at conquering my pride and just convey thoughts.

In other news: I'm trying to be better about updating, my new goal is to post at least once a week...we will see how long that lasts.

I went out with the missionaries last night to help them teach a member who has been inactive for 11 years. The lesson they gave was about Prayer. (Not a coincidence if you refer to the previous post in which I posted my favorite quote from Abraham Lincoln) The lesson was about the right way to pray and they compared the prayer of the Zoramites to that of Alma. Of course some of my favorite scriptures are in this section. I love how Alma describes how he is feeling to the lord (See Alma 31:31) and I love how he asks the Lord for comfort, for strength, and for patience. I love how he prays for those around him, specifically by name. I love how he shows sincere gratitude and humility for his Savior and his Father in Heaven.

Prayer for me is something very profound and critical. I have a quote from Brigham Young that states, "Getting down on my knees will one day save my life, whether it be in marriage, in work, or in my spirit." I find this quote to be very profound. And I know for a fact that prayers have saved my life more then once. (and not necessarily my own prayers, but the prayers of others too) I don't mean to sound dramatic and I hope my thoughts are conveyed with the reverence they deserve. I love prayer, almost more then anything else in this gospel. Because prayer is my direct line to my Father in Heaven. In my prayers, I can convey exactly how I feel without worrying how it sounds or how it may be conveyed because when I pray, I pray with my heart. And I know that our Heavenly Father hears our heart very clearly, to me it is the one sound he probably cannot block out, nor would he. But what is even more beautiful to me is the fact that when I pray, my Father in Heaven has promised that he will answer in some way or another. The answers I get may not be ones I want to hear, but I know they are the answers that I need in my life.

I have said a lot more prayers in the past three weeks then I have said over the last year. It amazes me how often I have been 'brought to my knees with the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go.' But what amazes me even more is the firm, yet sweet answers I have received from Him, through others. (To those of you who act on promptings or serve without knowing the full reason why, I thank you-because in more ways then one you become someone's answer to a prayer.)

I am far from perfect. FAR from perfect. OH SO VERY FAR. But I am learning each day how to draw closer to my Father in Heaven. And I am learning how to let his will be my will. And though it is a very painful and difficult process at times, I am slowly being healed through the refiner's fire. And to those people who stand in as my relief through the most difficult times, thank you for being an instrument in God's hands. My gratitude could never be shown adequately, nor could my love ever be conveyed properly.