Drenched in Destiny

I have been reflecting recently on how intwined my life is with the gospel. Every day it seems as though what I am learning 'in the world' ties back to my faith and teaches me more about Heavenly Father's plan for us. With this reflection and pondering, I have felt a stirring within my heart and deep in my gut (to a place I can only describe as the very essence of me-my soul). I've attributed this feeling recently to gratitude, something I feel is very different from being thankful. I told a friend this past weekend, that to me gratitude has components of love, of respect, and of reverence. To quote myself:

"I am so grateful for Heavenly Father creating me exactly as I am. I am so far from perfect and there are a lot of things I struggle with liking about myself-but I really do love how perfectly Heavenly Father created my spiritual being. I love how in tune with the Spirit I can get-how simplistic and beautiful the gospel is to me. How much peace I gain from the knowledge that I am his daughter and that he loves me individually and unconditionally. I love how at times I can feel his love and feel how proud of me he is-and that when I feel that way, I gain a desire to work harder...There are lots of things that I am thankful for-my health, my home, a job, etc. But gratitude is something I can feel within myself...My gratitude for how perfectly Heavenly Father has planned our lives, individually and specific, brings me to the point of tears and my soul longs for the day I can kneel at his feet and literally 'bathe his feet with my tears' for all that he has done for me."

I've continued to let these thoughts mix with my feelings of moving to Texas and with all the changes in my life recently. And then today, I randomly decided to look for a talk that someone had once told me to read-and as I read it, those feelings of reverence and love (ultimately of gratitude) stirred within my heart and soul. I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father and for His specific presence in my own life. I feel at peace and I feel like I am walking the right path in life. As I read these words by Neal A. Maxwell, I recognized these thoughts within myself:

"This mortal experience through which we are passing is one in which beauties abound; subtleties and delicacies are all about us, waiting to be noticed. Wonders are everywhere to be seen...There are real costs associated with meekness. A significant down payment must be made. But it can come from our sufficient supply of pride. We must also be willing to endure the subsequent erosion of unbecoming ego. Furthermore, our hearts will be broken in order that they might be rebuilt. As Ezekiel said, one's task is to 'make you a new heart and a new spirit'. There is no way that such dismantling, such erosion, such rebuilding can occur without real cost in pain, pride, adjustments, and even some dismay. Yet since we cannot be 'acceptable before God save we are meek and lowly in heart', the reality of that awesome requirement must be heeded."

I don't know if that will have the same effect on you as it did me-but 'wow' is all I can say. We are meant to see the beauty and delicacies in our lives-the wondrous ways in which God alters us. And even in those moments of pain or dismay, His hand can still be seen creating and rebuilding a new heart and a new spirit. My thoughts and reflections have helped me to recognize that this week and because of the knowledge I have found, my soul continues to yearn to return home. How grateful I am for the gift of this knowledge-to know exactly where I want to return. How grateful I am for the way the threads of my life wind together, in such perfect patterns, to create within me a new heart-to make me more like Him. If that doesn't make you yearn for these experiences, heart wrenching and all, I don't know what will.