Tonight is my last night with my Papabear, for this trip anyways. And my heart is so full. I can't believe how loved I am-its nights like these that I use to create my image of our Heavenly Father's love, Nights where I sit with my Papa and we converse about the hard stuff.

My Heavenly Father loves me-there is no doubt in my mind about that. If he didn't I wouldn't have such wonderful people in my life to show me what love is all about. Tonight as we had dinner my Grandfather told me how proud he was of me and more importantly how proud my Grandmother was of me.

This trip was hard. I don't know what it was about this Christmas, but I missed her more then last (that is not saying I didn't miss her last Christmas, because last Christmas was awful-but for some reason I missed her even more) I missed her presence, I missed her smile, I missed her.

Tonight, my Papa asked why and admitted that he lost his Faith when my Grandma died. I didn't know what to say-how could I tell him her death made my faith stronger? Especially since her death has made us so much closer. We talk now, openly; we share and we are involved. I like being with my Papa; I love being with him. But I still wish she were here. I want my cake and I want to eat it too.